Living with Gastroparesis: My Never-Ending Battle with Vomiting

I am so tired of throwing up. 18 years of this, and it will never go away. Some days, I'm fine. My probiotic does help, but then I will go two or three weeks straight where I throw up three or four times a day, and it is so exhausting. I just crawl into my bed and cry. I go through this alone. No one can help me. No one knows what to say to me. My therapist doesn't even know what to say. I don't even know what I expect someone to say. I just hate laying here alone and crying because I feel terrible, and I am going to continue to feel terrible for the rest of my life. I thought I accepted this years ago, but when I can't keep anything down for days, it really weighs on me. Gastroparesis has controlled my entire life, and I don't want it anymore. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I just want to feel normal. I don't want to feel like shit anymore. I'm depressed so much I barely do things I love, but when I finally feel like writing or playing a video game or reading a comic book, I throw up out of nowhere and it puts me right back in this bed. Crying again and alone with no hope for anything. I hate this. I just want to have a normal life. But no, I will never.