Struggling with Gastroparesis in my 20s

(Vent) I feel drained and lost and upset and all that good stuff. Honestly though, developing GP at any age for any reason must have it’s own unique terribleness but from experience I can say that developing it in your transitional ages (I’m 20) has felt so unbearable. I have a new, amazing job. My bf and I are planning a future. I’m finally almost independent, but I feel like I keep getting pulled back. I always want to give up so fast, the days I feel extra nauseous or spent the night sick, I am so keen on calling off. I binge until I puke and lose all the time in the evening I could’ve enjoyed with my partner. I’m embarrassed every time I gag in front of someone or spit up or almost puke, which is more frequent than I’d like to admit because of my dietary struggles. I feel like I don’t have any control but the punishment for my lack of control is being sick and feeling like shit. I feel guilty complaining because there are a million and one things that could be going wrong rn, I’m just upset and venting.