Struggling with BPD and Self-Image

Struggling to Find My Authentic Self

ive been suspecting that i have borderline personality disorder since i was 12. my mom never listened to me though. i officially self diagnosed myself this year after my friend told me “a medical diagnosis is just a conformation of what you already know”. i struggle with every single symptom of borderline and some (depression and panic disorder which are both medically diagnosed). im struggling to find a therapist. so i need ways to help cope with my symptoms: sleep, energy, depersonalization, abandonment issues, etc… i need validation that im not a bad person and im not abusive. ive hurt people on accident but never on purpose. it makes me feel very guilty and ashamed of myself. now im a massive people pleaser and i stretch myself to make sure people like me. i try to get over it but it makes me feel like an a-hole. any tips?

This may be a confusing and long question/post, but I really don't know who else to ask or what disorder this may be related to. For as long as I can remember, I've always kind of "adopted" different personalities whether that be me wanting to look like someone else or act like someone else completely. Ex: I'll go from wanting to be very soft spoken and very happy go lucky and maybe dress more girly and such, to wanting to be more assertive, outgoing, and maybe dress more tomboyish or something like that. That's just a short example of it to give you a glimpse. In the past it would last maybe a week until I found a different style/personality to adopt and so forth. Nowadays, it changes every couple of days and it's super stressful and tiring and makes me feel more anxious and depressed. My past counselor said it may be related to a mental disorder and not me going through "phases" due to me acting this way for almost 5 years, which is why I wanted to bring this post here because googling what I've typed so far will of course lead me nowhere because I'm not even sure what's going on. Even my last 2 counselors are unsure as well. I've considered personality disorders such as DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) but after doing research on it, I don't think it is. I know this isn't a short get-to-the-point question, but I want you all to know the details so it's not misconstrued. I really wish I knew what was going on and how to fix this, so if you read this far. I truly appreciate it and if you have any advice or resources or any assumptions on the symptoms I've listed, please comment them below. I have nowhere else to turn and feel lost.