Struggling with BPD in My Relationship

I get like this occasionally too, I call it my “rages”,…you are soooo not alone and I can do relate. I’ve thrown things across the room, screamed at the top of my lungs until I’m literally purple and veins are popping out my head. In my worst moments I’ve made holes in the dry wall from throwing objects into them, slamming doors until they break, even punching holes in things, more than several times actually. It’s definitely an out of body experience for me, snd then I sob for hours, fall asleep from exhaustion, then wake up later like “Weeeeelllll,, Craaapp…I’ve done it again…” I don’t know why I lash out at my boyfriend more than anyone else…maybe because we e been together so long and I don’t think he’ll ever leave me. Idk..but it was important for me to get him to understand that those episode are pretty traumatic for ME too, and it feels insanely uncontrollable and like nothing can help at the time….it’s really upsetting for both people in general and talking to each other about how it’s like for each of you might help a lot. Like my bf and I sat down, and I fully listened to his side of what it was like for him to experience that, and he fully listened to what it was like for me, kinda putting ourselves in each others shoes. It’s not everything but it did help us understand each other more, and now he knows that any sign I’m starting to get like that, I just need time alone instantly I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, just know I relate to you 2000% and you are so not alone in that behavior! If anything I was reading it lnodding like “yup, that’s me!” I hope this helps and hope you feel better soon :)