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_Georgia_

766d

So I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder, and occasionally when I get extremely anxious or upset, I’ll go in to these “rages”; It’s something that’s happened to me for years, with frequency of it going up and down, but it’s EXTREMELY hard to control, and even more difficult since my boyfriend doesn’t seem to understand it… usually it’s if I’m Having a very heated argument with my boyfriend or family, or someone else close, and all of a sudden I will just stark shaking all over, and it feels like i have electricity running throughout my entire body. I end up screaming at this person and sometimes throwing stuff in my anger, and it feels like nobody can console me no matter how hard they try… My biggest problem is that it truly DOES feel uncontrollable to me at most times, and my boyfriend refuses to believe that. He swears that none of my symptoms are uncontrollable at all, and that it’s just me getting mad, when in reality, it’s VERY hard for me to control…it’s extremely physiological, I start sweating, shaking, my face will go red, my voice will go shaky, I can’t think straight, I just feel like exploding, I am just completely blinded and deafened by my own anger…it’s truly awful to go through. This is hard enough for me to deal with on my own, because how it ends usually is I end up sobbing for hours by myself, and then feeling ashamed and embarassed and apologizing to everyone around me, but meanwhile I never really feel understood. Maybe that’s too much to ask for when I’m like that, which I totally get. But it sure as hell makes me feel more alone than anything else, and if anything, kinda like some big baby, who throws legitimate adult tantrums… My bf struggles with anxiety too, just definitely doesn’t manifest in the same way as mine. He refuses to believe that my explosions could have anything to do with my bipolar or borderline, and it’s something that’s become kinda a dead end in our relationship. More than anything….I just want to feel forgiven for being the way I am. I guess I’m wondering if anyone else has experienced the same thing too? It’s so easy to feel crazy nowadays…😭 Hope everyone’s having a good day, sending love out to all ❤️

Top reply
    • AuroraRose

      766d

      Absolutely! Feel free to chat 💕 I'm not sure how do do private chats here haha. But I'm glad you're on the right path to healing, darlin. It's a process in itself, but to be reaching out here, let alone acknowledging you're in the wrong is a huge step in the right direction. Soon it'll become a habit to control these emotions effectively instead of distructively

    • AuroraRose

      766d

      Absolutely! Feel free to chat 💕 I'm not sure how do do private chats here haha. But I'm glad you're on the right path to healing, darlin. It's a process in itself, but to be reaching out here, let alone acknowledging you're in the wrong is a huge step in the right direction. Soon it'll become a habit to control these emotions effectively instead of distructively

    • CSweet94

      766d

      Oh my gosh, I’m so glad you posted this!!! I go into “Hulk Mode” as I call it too and it totally is like this uncomfortable feeling of rage; my bf says my eyes go dark when this happens like almost black (and my eyes are usually lime green!) and I have done terrible freaking stuff. Once I went into Hulk Mode over my bf being home late and before I knew what had happened I’d cut up all his brand new underwear! I just came out of it holding shredded boxers and a pair of scissors and I just thought dang it not again. It had happened before where I’d scissored apart his pillow once before also. I get it I totally TOTALLY understand. And if you need someone to talk to privately I’d be more than happy to chat 🥰 💕 But don’t feel bad girl, I’m the same way, it does feel totally uncomfortable, it’s ganna be okay though. 😊

    • AuroraRose

      766d

      I have lil blowups similar to this, as well. Mine usually pop up if my anxiety has reached its limit & my senses are being overwhelmed - you're not alone. Easier said than done, but try to catch yourself in the moment and ask yourself why you're acting this way, also if your partner could call you out (calmly) so you can better take note of your actions & reactions. I'm not a diagnosed bipolar, but I've felt these symptoms before, so I'm going to talk to my psychiatrist further, but I truly hope this helps & you find peace within yourself & relationships.

      • CSweet94

        766d

        @AuroraRose yeah, my partner always calls me out on it if he sees my eyes go dark if we argue or anything and it helps A LOT. Pay attention to your eyes, while manic, stable, depressed, mixed, or rage take eye pics and label them so you know what you’re looking for! 🥰

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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