Dealing with BPD: Struggling with Self-Hate and Fear of Abandonment

You are not alone. I am 30 years old and have never been officially diagnosed with BPD but a counselor or 2 that I saw in the past swears that's got to be what I have. I've also been struggling with the same things you just mentioned you're struggling with. This has made it seem next to impossible for me to keep any lasting friendships or relationships. This might sound crazy but About a year and a half ago I had an out of Body experience. Like I was an alcoholic at the time and I just passed out drunk on my bed and quit breathing and had an out of Body experience. The experience changed me for the better in some ways. So I no longer have to deal with the intermittent explosive disorder or anger issues that come with this like I used to but I still struggle with the rest and tend to come across as needy, insecure or rude or just too cold which continues to make keeping lasting relationships and friendships seem next to impossible. I've started focusing on doing me and bettering myself and doing the things I like to do cuz I feel like I've wasted too much of my life away taking care of and trying to help others only to be taken for granted, used and abandoned. I struggled with the self hatred too until recently when I started distancing myself from the people who make me feel like I'm not enough and putting my own needs and myself first. This helps me with most of the issues I'm having except for keeping friendships and relationships but it might help with that too once I regain enough self esteem and confidence which is happening very gradually at this point. Slowly but surely. So you might want to try this. It might help you too. Just challenge yourself to start putting yourself and your own needs first and to distance yourself from or cut off anyone who makes you feel like you're not enough.

I feel the same way you do. I was diagnosed with BPD this year, and bipolar previously. I am on medication, and recently got put on new meds for bipolar. I hope that you can come through this and God blessed you.❤️

Also the anger intermittent explosive disorder that comes with it how can I deal with it or get control of it so it's not the one in control any more