Hannaho2019

359d

Anxiety has ruined my sex life.
21 | AFAB | She/Her | Bisexual

4 years ago when I was 17 I had sex for the first time. I was with a long term boyfriend and he was someone I trusted. It was terrible and painful. Every time after that was also terrible and painful. I physically could not get my body to relax. Now I’m 21 and I haven’t had sex since. It’s ruined every potential relationship I’ve had after that. Anytime I get to know someone and like them I always get to nervous to actually perform. It drives a wedge in every relationship I’ve attempted. I think I’m just terrified that my body will not work again. Let’s just say it mostly works when I’m alone, but the idea of having sex with someone else is so anxiety inducing.

Does anyone have any advice? I feel like my body is broken. I want to be able to have sex, I have all the urges and desires to, but I just can’t. My brain and body just don’t connect.

*side note I am now on Lexapro and Wellbutrin but I was not on either of these during any of those experiences*

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Generalized pain

View all
  • lilmidget101

    359d

    I have problems with sexual commitment as well. I hope someone reaches out with good advice

  • Wintie

    359d

    I'm sorry, dear. I understand your situation because I've been in a similar situation... Multiple actually. I know this sounds cliche but I know when you find the right person to be with, and they understand you and your boundaries then both of you can work through this sexual trauma. I know talking about it with a therapist will help you cope with that trauma. It definitely takes time... I am definitely not over what happened to me but... I know I can trust my significant other that he won't hurt me in that way. I hope you find good advice and get the help you need. 💗 If you need someone to talk to; you can message me. I'm here for you. It'll be okay 💗

  • OxyPox

    359d

    Typically it takes time for the body to adjust to penetration, however it seems as though you have had several sexual experiences. A condition that is a result of anxiety and/or trauma is called vaginismus. It means that your vaginal muscles are too tight and it caused for pain. There's nothing wrong with you, however it would be a good idea to see a gynecologist regarding this issue. If sex is painful because your muscles are too tight. Hope this helps. I can't say for sure of you have it, though.

  • Birdies

    358d

    I know that they make cbd suppositories to help with this. However, I have never tried them.

  • Deni

    357d

    You should probably go to a doctor if it’s painful every-time. The first time it’s a bit painful/uncomfortable for a lot of woman but it should get better after that. I know there are conditions that cause painful sex

  • gods_inhaler

    357d

    I have PTSD from SA and for me it was all about taking it slow, doing what I was comfortable with. However I still had sexual urges. If you no longer have those you may be asexual, and sex just may not be part of your relationships and that's okay! Sex is NOT a requirement in a relationship for it to be healthy!

  • Emo_Enby_99

    357d

    Im not familiar with what you're going through, as I'm asexual, but I hope you can find advice that will help

  • kodigoldie

    357d

    I personally experienced something similar before realizing I was a lesbian, but I also am a trauma survivor and I think much of my anxiety was linked to my trauma. I'm sorry I can't give super great advice, but I do recommend being upfront about your wants/needs regarding sex (and I recommend this to everyone) just so that you don't establish a bond with someone you're ultimately not compatible with. All people benefit from this, as everyone has differences in sex drive, timing, comfort, sexual desire, etc. Also, there's more to sex than penetration. Explore ways to enjoy sex without being penetrated, you may find these enjoyable. This is where I had to start, and it took several years before I was comfortable trying penetrative sex again, but now I can experience it comfortably with my partner. Perhaps this could work for you, too?

  • BrokenSunset

    356d

    My advice is take it slow. Explore all the options of foreplay. There are many ways out there other than vaginal penetration.

  • Chickcag

    356d

    My best advice is to explore yourself alone first. Understand your body and what it likes. I hated sex until I began using a vibrator In bed. I never have sex without one now!

  • wheelsareround

    356d

    it can still be uncomfortable for me when my anxiety is bad. i’ve only been with my boyfriend and we did it for the first time two years ago. you’re not broken and you definitely aren’t alone.

  • soupgoblin

    356d

    I’ve gone back and forth between having an extremely high sex drive and absolutely no sex drive ever since I was like 16. Or sometimes even when I want sex my body just won’t cooperate. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you, and your body is not broken. Feeing something bad when you’re doing something that’s supposed to feel good can be very traumatic and jarring. What helps me get out of my funk sometimes is masturbation. (And honestly it’s even more fun to have your partner help you. Sometimes my partner will use toys on me without wanting any sort of reciprocation. Sometimes he’ll kiss me and touch my face/hair/breasts to help me feel good.) I know what kind of porn I like now, but if you’re open to it, explore anything you think you could be into. Sometimes I prefer videos, sometimes I prefer reading, and sometimes I prefer audio clips. Literotica is one of my go-tos. I’ve found that knowing my body and what I like has helped me a ton when having sex with a partner. It’s also kind of helped me with processing my own past sexual traumas. Obviously that won’t be the case for everyone though, and that’s okay!! There is also the possibility that you may be asexual. Which is also okay! Some people simply don’t feel sexual attraction or don’t feel it very often. If you feel like you WANT to have sex, though, you can do other things to relax yourself before being intimate. Have a bubble bath (solo or with your sexual partner), light some candles and/or incense, dim the lights, play some calming music. Cuddle and kiss for a little bit before jumping right into things. And foreplay is very important!!! Trying different positions is very important — they can make your experiences so different. Sorry for the long reply! But I hope I was able to help.

  • FruityPaTooty

    356d

    Have you been to the Gyno? I see a specialist because of my pcos and endometriosis. Both causing me to have severe sexual pain.

  • Hannaho2019

    355d

    Thank y’all. All of your responses have been so lovely and I appreciate every one of you. For those wondering I’m like 99.9% sure I’m not ace. It’s something I definitely wondered but I definitely feel sexual desire. I have been to the doctor! She encouraged sex toys and practicing with myself, which I have been doing. I did feel a little dismissed when I told her about the pain, which she thought may have just been from lack of experience. I can do things alone (which sometimes still hurts), it’s just when I’m with someone else I literally just shut down. It’s weird. But thank you guys again I really appreciate you. Thank you for helping me realize that my body is not broken. I think I just need someone who can be really patient with me. I don’t deserve less. ❤️

  • FruityPaTooty

    355d

    You deserve everything

  • FruityPaTooty

    355d

    Everything positive that is. Praying for healing

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.