Feeling Hopeless: How to Find Something to Look Forward To?

How do you find something to look forward to when it feels like everything is stuck in place? For background, I’m currently in the throes of my health going haywire, not being able to work as many hours as I need to for necessities, and my mental health plummeting as I go nonverbal from stress. I feel like I’m being left behind. Like I’ve got nothing to look forward to because 1) all my prospects look bleak as a multiply disabled person, and 2) I’ve reached out to all the supports I could. I want to give up. I feel so bad for that! I don’t want to give up on my friends or family or even myself, but I feel like I’ve reached the end of what I can do. I’m in a body that can’t keep up with the demands, and it’s just pulling me further and further away from my life. I want to do things. I’d love to be able to actually have the money, or independence—or the interdependence to rely on the supports I do have—but I just feel like I’ve reached the maximum of what is possible. I don’t want to believe this is it, but the call of relief I feel from suicidal ideation is so strong rn. It’s easier than pretending I’ll ever get ahead, than talking to people who have some sort of motivation or interest, or something that I’m lacking. I don’t feel like I can even dream anymore because I haven’t been able to do anything but fail. And I feel like such a downer, I can’t keep asking people around me to lift me up. So I pretend. I let my mask take over, because at least they’re generally liked. But it doesn’t feel like it matters because there’s not much else that can be done for me. No one can do this work for me. And I’m not able to keep up with the basics, let alone trying to add more to my plate. The stress never goes away. Never gets smaller. I always feel less than. And it sucks. I don’t want to keep coming back to this place. I know I shouldn’t vent when I haven’t done grounding, but I don’t want to ground into this broken body. This broken life. Feeling like a failure in every way. Disclaimer: I am safe, no active plans are made. I guess I’m just screaming into the void looking for hope when I feel so hopeless.