Feeling Worthless and Useless

I think you can apply for disability and try the job both if you want. You could also try something that you could freelance in. It won't make a whole lot, at least at first, but it's another option.

If you’re wealthy yeah you could do things for fun, but if you have a family to take care of good luck cover of that problem of yours and push through. That’s what we all Gotta do here. And I’m not trying to be rude, I’m just saying that genuinely people have their own things to worry about so you have to learn how to take care of you it wasn’t meant to be rude sorry

I care! I also understand all too well. I have some thoughts: 1. You can work limited hours while on disability. That's the safest option and would help you keep your hours down. Even if it isn't much money, it will help you feel more in tune with everyone else to have a workplace to go to, coworkers to meet, strangers to help, and something to do with more satisfaction and "purpose." (You have plenty of purpose and usefulness already c: ) 2. If you don't know if you're ready, you might not be. Or what's offered right now isn't a good fit for you. You may be ready to work on tasks more consistently as you'd need to for work, but standard hours and standard environment might not be right for you. Or feeling you've improved with task consistency may just mean you've done a great job at improving your quality of life! Sometimes as soon as we see improvement, we want even more and add on things too quickly. If those things don't seem it applies to you and are still not sure, I'd try it out! You can quit at any time. Set up accommodations and have a game plan. Go in with the right mindset, so in case it ends up not being a good fit, you're not so triggered or creating trauma (trauma is not your fault, but lessening triggers can make it better). 3. Your lifestyle right now IS normal. It's normal for millions like you. It's not common or understood well, but it's nothing to feel ashamed of. People who think it's not normal don't live in reality. You're not as "different" as you might think. You have things you're good at. You have things you teach others. You have value. Do whatever you want about this job opportunity! It's for YOU, not for others! <3 After all the shit you've gone through, you deserve to decide what's best and do literally whatever you want to make you truly happy. Xoxo

I would try with smaller steps before starting a job altogether, but definitely aim to get to that goal. I am on my recovery road as well and I am currently listening to The Anxious Truth podcast that dives deep into agoraphobia. I’m hoping to build up courage soon enough to get started. I would be happy to start taking baby steps with you. I know all to good how it feels to be so alone yet so dependent of everyone around you.

Adding onto what everyone else said, if there's a freelance job you want to work or a stay-at-home job available you can consider that

I understand this feeling too well. I live with my fiancee and have lost or quit 4 jobs since 2019. 😥 but I know through many others physical or mental disability wise that having a positive demeanor to those who are helping means A LOT. it seems like nothing but it can help your situation and theirs.