Dealing with Codependency in Relationships

Create some healthy distance. If it's emotional codependency, work on regulating your emotions by yourself as much as possible, and if you do need help with it, don't spend too much time with any one person. Rotate between friends, family, therapist, partner. Try to create more healthy scenarios where you exercise your independence. If you usually do something with your partner and they don't feel like it that day, go and enjoy it by yourself, no hurt feelings. Enjoy your time alone. You can start with really pampering yourself, and them gradually, you'll start to see the benefits of getting things done without support. Only your opinion matters, you have less anxiety and long discussions when making decisions, you can regulate emotions more quickly as easily once you learn how to handle some of them yourself. You have more options on how to spend your time. Codependency is exhausting and time-consuming, despite being a deep form of care. It's important to rely on each other, but a codependent reliance is serious and is only healthy during periods of significant hardship (ie grief). But it must end before causing too much anxiety, resentment, recurrent/obsessive thoughts, heightened sensitivity to each other's reactions. I think you know that already though. My advice is to discuss it, explore your freedom, feel comfortable in your own skin, and learn to regulate more of your needs mostly by yourself, with less time and seriousness with your partner, and with the help of people other than your partner. If either of you have strong/serious/many emotional needs you feel overwhelmed with regulating, consult with a therapist if you can (individual therapy).

I've had people tell me I'm codependent most of my life. And to be honest I think it is a hurtful useless terminology. Some people have to rely on other people more, some people need more than others especially if you're disabled that doesn't mean you're codependent that just means you need more care. For instance I have severe driving anxiety someone needs to drive me around does that mean I'm codependent upon them no. Some people need to be taken care of financially by someone else because the government doesn't do it properly does that mean your codependent no.

Not sure if you have read the body keeps the score but it helped me tremendously. It’s not specifically targeted to codependents however it offers a ton of great insight, science, and tools you can actively use to help calm your nervous system down and consequently begin to replace codependent reactions with healthy ones. Seriously changed my life.