Struggling with Body Image and the Desire to Starve Myself

Hey! I’ve had an ED for 10yrs now and completely understand where you’re coming from! I don’t have gender dysphoria since I’m a cisgen female but due to grooming and s/a I’ve hated my body and curves. I want to just be so thin my chest disappears and guys look at me in disgust instead of something they can stick their dick in. I’m gay as well so it’s kinda weird where I hate boobs on me but am attracted to fem presenting people who stereotypically feminine. Idk I went to treatment once when I was 15. I couldn’t even get out of bed without the risk of passing out and my skin had turned grey, so my time was projected to be maybe a few months if I hadn’t gone. I was also a minor so I didn’t have a choice and now I’m 25, trying to come off my addiction to laxatives, and find a weight between where I can’t live my life and where I’m in a healthy weight range 😅 I know I’ll never recover and have never had any intentions to do so in a decade. I’m free to chat anytime whether you need support in recovery or want to learn damage control and continue on with the ED. Being forceful only taught me worse shit than exercising, fasting and very rarely purging back when this thing started so I won’t force anything cuz I don’t wanna make shit worse for you 💕