I feel the same way. It’s so odd! I haven’t brought it up to my therapist yet out of fear.

Eating disorders are dependent on eating habits, not weight or body type! So if you are concerned about the way you are eating, there’s no need to fear that you have the “wrong” body type to get help. It might be helpful to see a nutritionist or dietitian so they can help you find a meal plan that works for you!

It sounds like an eating disorder. I had similar experience growing up and never told anyone (not even my therapist at the time) about it until I was somewhat forced to by a friend and finally diagnosed after 12 years. Eating disorders are not one size fits all and neither is the treatment (or it shouldn’t be). There is also “disordered eating” which is based solely on eating habits. Like the person above said ED is based on actual eating habits not your weight and “usually” comes with emotional/psychological things like body image and weight perception. If you have a doctor tell you “you don’t look like you have an eating disorder” then go see someone else because they have no idea what they’re talking about. My diagnoses is changed over the years (binge, bulimia, anorexia) and now is officially “eating disorder not otherwise specified” because I used different behaviors and cycled thru different ones and had a lot of bad doctors trying to slap on a diagnosis instead of trying to understand MY eating disorder and history. I would recommend getting professional help since it’s difficult to treat when you don’t really have a diagnosis to give direction on what could be harmful or beneficial and having someone help you figure that out takes a lot of the guess work and trial and error. Whether diagnosed or not, I’m sorry you’re struggling and you aren’t alone💕 Also cycling thru restriction and binge and purge can hide the weight more since it messes with your metabolism and it’s much harder to tell by looking only at weight. Going on a diet isn’t helpful for her to say. Diets don’t work with disordered eating and granted she doesn’t know thats. You would have to reset your metabolism and eating behaviors for a diet to work first and on the psychological side it can lead to more issues. Focus on balance. Easier said than done but that’s the only way to get out of the cycle and then figure out your actual set point weight to work with. If you have questions about how to do so you can send me a message.

I do the same thing. Message me if you want to talk more about it and I can you you some ideas on what my therapist and I have talked about 💕

You are definitely experiencing body-focused disordered eating, even if it doesn't fit into a neat label. And weight has absolutely nothing to do with whether or not you can have an eating disorder. I'd wager to say it's even more common in heavier people because of how society treats those people. You don't have to be emaciated to be allowed to worry about yourself. Also your therapist gave you some shitty advice. Even if diets were effective for weight loss, which they aren't, that should not ever be the first reaction to a client that expresses bodily self esteem issues. If she continues down that path despite redirection, or if you are already in any way uncomfortable, you might wanna find a different one if that is an option for you.

I was inpatient for anorexia and we were all shapes and sizes. Eating disorders don’t fit in a box. The habits you describe are concerning and sound like you need to see a therapist who specializes in eating disorders. A nutritionist would help too, I saw one for years to teach me healthy eating habits. I know how hard the fight is and I hope you can see your beauty. Start with one thing. Anything. Recognize it. Every day. Write a letter to your body. Watch the dove campaigns, we did this while inpatient. Notice the beauty in all sizes. Watch Lizzo’s dance show. People aren’t fat, people have fat, everyone. And it doesn’t matter how much fat you have, you are beautiful and worthy of all the good things this world has to offer. Self esteem is hard, maintaining it has ups and downs. Go easy on yourself. Find a new hobby, and when you start obsessing do the hobby. I find apps like Duolingo or chess or w/e are easy to access. You can’t always stop an obsession, but you can transfer that energy to something positive. Start doing nice things for your body, take a bath, rub your feet, buy a new outfit or find something that you haven’t worn in a while that makes you feel good. Eating disorders are hell. We are so focused on what we are consuming we don’t realize how it’s consumed us. I’m glad you reached out for help. Please keep seeking help. Do not let this consume your life. You deserve more.

This sounds like an eating disorder. Binging and purging are both disordered eating behaviors. If you’re reluctant to go to a doc, or even if you aren’t, something I learned exists is a support group called EDA where they apply the 12 steps to disordered eating. I think a support group or individual counselor who specializes in disordered eating is a great first step. I hope you’re able to get the help you deserve. You are beautiful and deserve love!

Not all therapists are trained in eating disorders. It's a good place to start with if your therapist is.

don't have much experience with this topic personally, but i know from friends that you don't need to "look" like you have an eating disorder to actually have one. don't let anyone tell you otherwise