Vict.xx

73d

i honestly do wanna be with someone…im not like desperate but I just miss having that genuine connection with someone, being able to be myself, have late night talks, a sholder to cry in yk? i try to put myself out there but i dont wanna force anything…idk :/

Depression

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  • Ryuu

    73d

    I know how that feels and it honestly sucks, I still haven't found someone myself but if you ever need to talk or want advice I'm here.

    • Vict.xx

      71d

      yea it really does- but thanks appreciate it!

  • ilonameow

    73d

    sometimes i crave romantic relationships but then sometimes i’m very thankful i don’t have one because i don’t have enough time to do everything for myself and someone else. i feel like it would be unfair for me to be in a relationship when i haven’t yet found balance in my relationship with myself.

    • Vict.xx

      71d

      this is also a struggle of mine and is exactly why i broke up with my ex 2yrs. i wish i never did but being in a relationship while still dealing with major depression was so much for me to handle and i didn’t wanna put so much on them.

  • thefloorislava

    73d

    Omg I miss late night talks so much. I have been avoiding binge dating, bc rn I just feel so icky about myself that I can't really get into anything without feeling like, oh this person is settling for me, so I gotta make myself better without another person first

    • Vict.xx

      71d

      i did binge dating alot at one point but it really did hurt my self esteem. i swear bettering yourself “alone” is like a relationship you can never leave, my progress is all over the place

  • MatchaBunn

    71d

    I understand! A lot of the time, I feel like I’ve used my mask to start relationships, so when I inevitably burn out, I seem like a totally different person. It sucks, because I want to have relationships that include the whole of me, but I’m also scared of both not being “enough” and/or being “too much”. I put those in quotes because they’re not really helpful ideas to have, but I know its still how I feel. Do you find that any type of relationship could meet this need for you? Or does it feel like something you would want a romantic partner for? Since exploring polyamory, and understanding how I look at relationships of all kinds, I recognize that I would like to have a variety of people to go to when I have a social need to be met. But actually using those tools to support myself is another story altogether.

    • Vict.xx

      70d

      thats what i did alot, i masked. for a bit i never knew how it could affect the person im with but once i realized i ended up breaking up with them before it got to bad on my end(which isn’t the best either but i didn’t know how to handle it) i feel like any type of relationship would could meet the need, tho i would prefer romantic or a qpr(which isnt super known tho). If you dont mind ofc, did those tools help you, whether it was big or small amounts?

      • MatchaBunn

        68d

        being able to know when to end something is a valuable skill, even though it feels like a bad thing. I definitely think having the options and reminders—outside of my rejection sensitivity—helps me use the social support of my friends, family, partner, and pals. I always find value in the time I spend with others, but it’s taken a lot of therapy to untangle the feelings of inadequacy I have about myself. I tend to default to being alone, because of sensory overwhelm, but the network of support I have does help give me something to reach out to in meeting needs. I just need a lot of reminders, usually from my therapist, that people are there for me. Did that answer your question?

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