Struggling with Self Harm and Suicidal Thoughts

I have had several times I felt that way, so I found the best way was to take a pen or whatever and mark wherever I was going to cut. It works most of the time, and I also last time drew a ; on my arm.

Hi, I can understand you. I also tried to hurt myself in the past in all kinds of ways. There was something about the feeling of pain that accompanied it that would calm me down from the stress and anxiety I was under daily. From my experience, trying to suppress these thoughts will not help but will only intensify them (it's like asking you not to think about a pink elephant, you'll just think about it). The best way is to first to admit that there is a problem, that by actually writing this post, you are already on your way there, and second, to ask for help. Go to a psychiatrist and tell him that and ask for help in the form of medication or anything else. Have you tried contacting a professional? Sending a virtual hug from a distance.