Dealing with Intrusive Thoughts and Impulsive Urges

Today I talked about my Past Self Harm Behaviors and the fact I used to seek out abuse through hookups and such due to childhood and adolescence abuse back home with my three partners. (I’m polyamorous) and it felt very good to know they weren’t going to leave me, but I got scared of being just like my parents. And the idea of going back to in specifics self harm based sex. My dad cheated on my mother and I don’t want to be like him at all. Does anyone have any other tips on how to handle these intrusive and impulsive urges and thoughts? I felt so out of control for a moment, my medicine dosage got lowered bc I was off them for a while, and I just feel very manic and paranoid.