I feel horrible. I’ve been smoking weed on and off for around two years, my use has been consistent every day for months. My girlfriend (they/them) has very severe trauma related to drug abuse exposure throughout their entire childhood. Even weed still freaks them out a little, but they’re comfortable as long as I check in with them before I smoke (we live together). A couple months back, my gf found out that I’d been sneaking hits in the bathroom or after they fell asleep at night. I don’t know why I did it, I did for months and it wasn’t until I completely ran out that I confessed. My gf was a little disappointed but very understanding. I’m so lucky to have their support. My girlfriend works while I’m unemployed at the moment and they have happily taken over most financial responsibilities for the time being. Which includes my weed, making me feel even more bad about everything because the more I smoke the more I drain their wallet. I started a T-break a couple days ago because I used up 3 carts in a week without telling my gf I was smoking so they strongly suggested a break. Which I agreed to because I want to make them happy, despite the fact that smoking helps me SO much with my mental health. Basically, here’s my point to all this. I feel like the worst human being for putting my girlfriend through this. They don’t deserve to be with someone who can’t even go a day without sneaking “drugs”. My girlfriend’s drug trauma is honestly the most upsetting backstory out of anyone I’ve met. And yet I’m too selfish to say “yknow what, I’ll quit and maybe it’ll make them happier” or even have basic self control for a few hours. We’ve had lots of good, healthy conversations about it but I can tell that it affects them to some extent. I’m terrified that they’ll leave me one day because of my dependency on weed. And I know it may sound small to a lot of people because let’s be real, it’s just weed. But it’s so much more than that to my girlfriend and I need to take care of them. What the hell do I even do at this point? I’ve been having cravings and minor withdrawals but the thought of never having weed again makes me panic. But the thought of losing the love of my life is so much worse.
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