Struggling with Trauma and Relationships

tw: vent, mentions suicide, seizure activity so recently there's been a lot going on. the months of April and may are always the worst due to the trauma of losing my friend to suicide. the day before my friend's birthday my now ex texted me about how strained our relationship was (that's a very simplified version of what happened and his points were very valid but... timing wasn't great). I lost it. I think I may have also been in a psychotic episode too I'm not sure. we haven't spoken since but since I was at such a high risk of seizures I decided I needed to wait before talking to him again. it was for my safety and even without fighting with him like we had been for weeks I was still in and out of the ER for two months. Im tired of those two months always ripping my life apart and then me having to rebuild everything from scratch. relationships, friendships, medical problems.. everything. everything around me crashes and burns and I want to get my life together but.. is it worth it if it's all gonna come down again??