Struggling with Disability and Mental Health

TW: suicide and SH I have been struggling for a while to catch up on things since I was fired from my last job for sticking up for what I knew was the right thing and I was going to file a wrongful termination but I'm not trying to get into all the toxic garbage that place has thrown at me so I'm taking the loss and moving on as best as I can. but I got paid one of my last checks from there and they shortened it and I'm trying to pay our lights, cable, and a vet bill for my sweet little dog and I feel like shit because I can't pay it all right now and my dog has had to miss appointments because I can't afford to pay it all upfront and I completely understand the vets and I know that's the prices to pay for taking care of my dog with his health conditions and the issues he has and I wouldn't trade him for anything he truly is my best friend and companion and he does alert me during my seizures as I am epileptic but I got a new job and I start it like Thursday or Friday night and I'm excited but still upset as I can only work a limited amount of hours with my disability and I feel like I'm failing at being the best I can be for my dog or my family because I'm not able to work as much and do as much as the next person but my body is going through such a tough time with my medicine... I'm on gabapentin for seizures and it helps with my mood/anxiety and headaches but I'm also second guessing it because I don't know if the side effects of this medicine is making me feel more suicidal or if it's just my stress and anxiety with my other mental health issues, I can't tell and I just feel mopey a lot and upset and frustrated and sad because I used to be able to work nearly 40-60+ hours a week at some of my jobs and now the most I can do is 30 with my disability. I want to cry I want to scream I want to really hurt myself but I feel like I am here for a purpose in life but it's just all too much to take in because I'm also dealing with that sense of reality that I am still here after my multiple suicide attempts as a teenager (now I'm almost 23) but I'm trying to hold myself together I've cried a lot today and been to myself a lot today... I'm probably going to stay at home more unless I'm going to work until I can figure myself and my mind out and try to get past this mess right now