Struggling with Suicidal Ideation: Need Advice

At times like those I find extremely hard to distract myself but start looking, hearing, feeling, tasting things in 3s. Like list out 3 things you can see & etc to help put your mind elsewhere.

Sometimes I get dissociative and have thoughts of what it would be like. I get ideas of ways to do it and wonder of I did it if anyone that said they cared about me actually do care. But I think about my fiance and my sweet baby girl. When I was in foster care I'd get threatened to go to wards or residentials for cutting myself and having ideation. But no one ever did that, they just said it to scare me.