Struggling with Self-Harm and Family Issues

I cut again. this time much deeper. I was overwhelmed. I don't do it much. last time I can remember was last year. an old friend was passive and ignorant about my sister being in a diabetic/sedative coma. I had my worst panic attack, almost fainted, couldn't sleep. my family is a wreck. she has positive moments, but also troubling ones but she seems as strong and determined as always. she's just a mom to me. we're 19 years apart. it was horrible but I felt euphoric and could sleep again after. she'll be upset. her arms are covered in self harm scars. I write, draw, read and try to rest but she's always lingering over all of us. no one knows this feeling unless they've gone through it. but when you just need to talk, I have no one. she pissed me off. telling me people drift apart. no. they don't. one waits and the other just never tried and never saw you as a part of their life. it's more but I'm not sorry I cut