Struggling with Mood Swings and Past Trauma

i dont want to feel mood swings any more. i dont want the smallest thing controlling or changing my mood so easily. i want to live a life bigger than just calorie intake and whatever many steps ive taken in a day. i wish i could measure my life some different way. in a happier way where im not suffering or surviving. please god help me. i pray for change. i pray for happiness. i pray for change. i pray for a better life. i pray for happiness. i pray for change. i used to be so mean to my mom because of what shes done to me in the past. i still feel hurt by what shes done to me. how she was so intent to hurt me and got her friend to help her. both are bitches. weak dog bitches. i hate them for hurting me like that. i hated living in that house ever since. scared weak evil bitches. i hate them. i dont like them. i dont know what to do i literally have nothing to do. which scares me from time to time cus i dont know what to do until spring semester and the whole having to keep up with everything stress i dont think thats wha im suited for. i just hope everything get better or maybe more difficult. so i have a purpose to keep rising to the top