Struggling with Mental Health: My Spirals and Down Days

actually, you may be in a mixed state. A mixed mood can have symptoms of both mania and depression, like negative, ruminating thoughts and hopelessness mixed with high anxiety and agitated energy. Being off meds could be a big reason for this. I know how hard it can be to stay on a daily pill regimen, especially when it's multi times throughout the day. I have had a long history of forgetting to take my meds repeatedly when I would have to take them at different times. My med provider called it non-compliance. Part of it is forgetfulness and part of it is resentment that I have to rely on these pills to maintain my mental health. I've been doing better over the past few years a, I think it's because my meds are actually working and I'm benefitting from taking them regularly. I encourage you to try to get back on some meds and find something that works for you. There are so many choices out there right now. I also suggest some counseling so you have someone safe to share your concerns and dilemmas with. I wish you the best and DM me if you'd like to chat.😁

I second the med change. Your provider should be able to prescribe something that is a better fit for your lifestyle. Please make an appointment asap:) it’ll help a lot. In the meantime, would it be possible for you to take your other meds? That might help you feel better. It makes sense to want friends, but it is important to be okay for a while when you are alone. I know this is really hard and there were times that really wasn’t practical. But please do keep trying to feel better so you can do that. Finding a therapist would be a great way to do that. I’d also look into CBT and DBT in addition to just regular talk therapy. There are several online CBT and DBT books that are free. Just google CBT/DBT pdf that you can work through as well. Getting back on a med that works for you should also help you there a lot. It sounds like you are really struggling with suicide ideation right now which really sucks. Been there, but it can get better. I found a med that works for me and only go there every once in a while now and even then it’s not as bad as what it once was. In addition to thinking of your brother, it might also help to think of the things that bring you joy, goals you have, anything that you would regret not doing before you died, places you want to go, etc. You will get through this even though I’m hearing things are really tough right now. Keep at it, and keep working to be well. And congrats on the job!