Struggling with Hypersexuality and Repulsion

i dont know if its any condolence, but i get it entirely. i also have those differing periods with loys of distress and feel the same way about my experiences (small tw for generalization of sa/r*pe). i was assaulted from a young age and have continued to be assaulted because i domt recognize that its bad till someone else points it out to me. just recently got out of a platonic relationship where this girl would get me very intoxicated and then have sex with me because i would then consent and reassured me that it was fine. and i think that it really wasnt that bad and that im overreacting to it because of all these things. ive also been assaulted online, and i get the feelings that come after. but bottom line is that you have every right to what you're feeling. even if it was online or brief, things like that are still traumatic. you can watch a car crash, never be in one, and still be afraid of them- you know? so dont downplay those feelings. know that you arent alone, and that my dms are always open if you ever need. :) sorry this was kind of heavy and triggering and jumbled lol