Seeking Advice and Comfort After Sexual Assault

My sexual abuse started at 3 and I’m now 21. I’m not over it and I don’t think I will be for a while. I went through hypersexuality ever since and I’m just getting out of it in the past few months. (Big misconceptions about my worth being tied up in sex) I have had a lot of improvements in my life like being able to hug people and im not scared of all men anymore but I still get random fits of panic if I feel like im in a position where a stranger could take advantage of me. Im really sorry to hear another person is part of this alarming statistic but in my experience it’s completely normal for it to not go away in hurt a few months simply because of the nature. This definitely doesn’t have to control your life and im to the point where im completely comfortable with my fiancé who is a man that I am marrying next month. Two nights ago I had a dream it happened again and it was a hard day but overall it doesn’t affect my everyday life. Now this is all without therapy (super controlling parent) so im sure I’d be even further along with it. Hang in there and give yourself time. Regardless of what happened, how many times or who it was it’s an extremely vulnerable situation that got taken advantage of so it’s totally normal for it to stick with you for a long time. Please feel free to dm me about anything because talking about it has been really therapeutic to me.

Sexual assault was the onset of my PTSD when I was 17 and my reaction was the exact opposite shut down sexually. I am just started dating the father of mine now 25 and 23-year-old and we were in love he's actually the one that caught the guy after he had given me GHB and managed to get him off of me but it was too late I was oblivious and he was too afraid to tell me the next morning so he allowed me to sit and have coffee with the guy. Which created such a huge trust issue just so many issues I can't even describe it and that paved the way for the rest of my life up till now we used to have to make dates to have sex on the calendar I would have to force myself to do it it was that it was just absolutely agonizing I would reschedule when I knew it was getting close I was just absolutely just wanted to be completely abstinent. We ended up growing apart obviously and believe it or not I'm the one that left him because I just couldn't do it anymore I was only 23. I still think about him to this day and I regret a lot of what I did to him because he really did try to hang in there. But in the end I had not dealt with my issue I got into a relationship broken and directly after that I got into another relationship broken which broke me further that one I had to flee from and that went into this current one that I've been in for 17 years where he did nothing but cheat on me and eventually got somebody pregnant she's 3 months pregnant now and I'm filing for a divorce he says he still loves me but he doesn't live with me he lives with her but denies it. Seems like I'm the stupid one trying to hold on to something that wasn't there her husband that was absent believing that he wanted to come back to me cuz he was telling me that while living with her so why didn't I leave? Because he was doing meth and probably still is so I blamed that. He is also been extremely abusive physically and emotionally and mentally to the point where our 14 year old son got removed from the house because he picked me up at my neck in front of my brother and sister-in-law and that was the second time so they removed him and has been since adopted by my brother and sister-in-law because I refuse to leave my husband because I wanted our family to stay together or maybe it was because I didn't want to be alone I don't know but now I'm so incredibly broken I don't even know what to do where to go to talk to or even want to say if I ever got someone to talk to I guess I'm finding out right now being lthat I'm going on and on about it thanks for reading