Struggling with the Aftermath of Assault: Need Support

TW: SA Being assaulted sucks. I didn't think it would affect me this much since I've been assaulted before, but this time is different. Other times I've been assaulted, I either can't completely remember, or were just like having some guy shove his fist in me. This was different though, he did it in a way that made the nerve endings feel good. I've never had that happen before. I feel like a "first" was stolen from me. I've always been able to enjoy "me time," but now I feel nothing, and if I try too long, it makes the depression worse. That's long been a way I release stress, and I hate that it's been taken from me. Idk how long it'll be before I can feel anything down there again. I'm also seriously praying he didn't take any photos of me while it was happening. He also injured my breast when he got mad when I said stop for the 4th time, and I'm scared the damage may be permanent. I've been dating a (different) guy for a month, and I like him so much, but I'm having such a hard time being close to him right now because of it. He's being incredibly supportive tho, and I'm so thankful. I just hate that this happened. I wish I could go back in time and change the events leading up to it, but I can't. I just have to move forward, one step at a time. And it's hard.