Sexual Assault and Feeling Defeated

I've been where you are, and am currently dealing with reporting being groomed for a year and a half. It's difficult at times but you will get back to a form of normality. When my friend assaulted me in my tramadol induced sleep in 2019 I was devastated and didn't want to tell my parents and friends about it burdening them with more, but I wish I had told them because the support I got from them after I had to tell them when things got so bad I was hospitalised, changed everything. Don't let yourself get suffocated by something when there are people who are there to help you. Even if you just tell one person close to you it gives you a place to share your thoughts and worries

Im so sorry your going through so so much, sometimes its all just to much. Do you feel like having a therapist to talk to would help?

I hope you can also find the strength to report what happened. It is not going to be easy.. I say this because you may not be the only one this has happened to, and there may be others in your situation by that person again. They should not be able to get away with this! Totally understandable if you don't end up reporting what happened though

Thank you guys ❤️ your responses have helped make me feel more supported, I appreciate all of you. I’ll definitely find a trusted person to talk to.

I'm so sorry that you were assaulted 💔 I can relate a little, it happened to me for a while until I was 11. I know that it may seem difficult to ask for support from your family, given everything else you have going on... but honestly, what you went through was traumatic, and dealing with it completely by yourself may not be the best way to heal. Easy for me to say, I know. There are a lot of SA groups online, and probably within your local community as well. It is so hard to speak up, but when you do, you will be able to start to take control of what happened, instead of having it control you. Staying silent means that they win

Being s/ad is a hard thing to go through. You learn slowly throughout the days, weeks, months and even years for some people, how to get better. I developed cptsd over my s/a, and it seems like you may be experiencing the same symptoms. The panic, cold sweat, nausea, feeling abhorrent as you said. The best thing for me was reaching out to people who experienced the same trauma I did. I wrote and burned countless journals with my thoughts about my abuser in them. That also helped. I got rid of the outfit I was wearing, to be fair it was cheap, this may not be a feasible option for you. I made art out of my anger, my sadness, my pain. I wrote stories of how I could get back at them and burned those to. None of this was your fault. Not the way you were dressed, the way you looked, and definitely not for letting your guard down around this person. It gets easier, but damn is it hard.

Having nightmares daily. I couldn’t eat a meal until yesterday, which I also couldn’t hold down. I’ve been having cold sweats and panic attacks if I lay certain ways. The pain and discomfort is starting to subside n the bruises are fading. Thts good