Struggling to Find Happiness and Support

When I think about how I can best heal myself enough to maintain my wife's happiness and being able to support her the way she deserves, I feel quite hopeless and feel like I'm looking in all the wrong places. I know that I need to dig deep and figure out what makes me genuinely happy again. What activities spark joy for me, what drives me. I lost myself in the piles of trauma with little to no resources to pick myself up internally. I lost my love for my hyperfixations due to the judgments or backhanded commentaries I've experienced from "friends" or "lovers" because they thought their likes were better than my own. I have been ostracized my whole life socially, and when I finally thought I could cultivate healthy friend groups during my community college experience, I ended up being thrown away like a 5-day old pizza, just because I wasn't "beneficial" to them anymore. I was treated like roadkill when I finally came to the conclusion that I deserved better understanding, compassion, and mutual support. Every choice towards my individual growth was met with scathing, fibbing voices, and judgemental eyes. No wonder my mentality towards bettering myself is met with internalized demons from the fleeting moments of "love" and "friendships" I used to thrive off of. But I am determined to overcome my traumas in order to finally have confidence and self-love.