Struggling to Express Myself

I don't want to lose her as my best friend but even that seems so pointless... I feel like she's better off not even talking to me, and I feel like she realizes that more and more every time we speak. I know things cant go back to how they were but I also don't know how to make things be okay even as feelings and boundaries change. I can't tell if I ever really loved her in that way, and every day I question if I even feel love at all, or if I'm just going through the motions. Empathy has always been hard for me, and I've always been blunt to the point of being insensitive sometimes. I still find it incredibly hard to care about other people's feelings, especially when they're upset, since I hardly feel things such as sadness. I know it seems contradictory but that's how I see it. Whenever I try to talk to someone I always doubt whether I'm truly feeling what I think I am, and end up never actually expressing it.

Honestly, on and off relationships can be positive or negative but this is about your mental health being the problem or one not understanding then it’s better to just take a break and do any activities that would make you forget even for a minute. Just don’t put all the blame on yourself as sometimes we all experience the same thing and that’s okay, our mental health is fucked up at times but sometimes we need that time to cope with it and learn how to understand ourselves before others.