Struggling with Negative Emotions and Relationships

this is my first post so i don’t rly know how this works so i’m just gonna vent a little. i know i have a lot of negative irrational feelings. like i feel like most emotions i feel are just dramatic and stupid. but they hurt so bad and idk how to stop them. like i get upset over the littlest things and it’s not like a small amount of upset, it’s so strong to the point like i feel like i’ve never been that upset in my entire life. and it happens every time i get upset. whether it’s sad or angry (mostly sad), my moods just jump straight to thoughts of suicide. like it’s so hard to maintain healthy relationships with people bc they unintentionally hurt me so much and it’s my fault. like they do close to nothing wrong but i’ll just get so sad. but i’m too attached to actually like do anything to end the relationship, but i think about it all the time. i just know i’ll regret it bc when i’m happy with them, i get so insanely happy. it’s like i’m never satisfied with the people in my life bc of the way i am and it’s so messed up. like i can’t even express my feelings without sounding like a dramatic idiot, so i just gave up. but not letting it out hurts more. and idk what to do. like i can’t just stop feeling, as much as i want to. i just want someone to be obsessed with me and love me the way i love them but ik it’s not likely bc it’s literally a disorder on my end. ughhhh i hate myself