Feeling Like a Burden: My Struggle with Emotional Exhaustion

Vent cuz I’m sad and I don’t know what to do with myself. I feel fake. I feel like I’m not even human at this point. I feel like no one treats me like one anymore. I’m always listening and putting others before me. Whether someone close to me (or not for that matter) is talking about personal issues, how their day went, something they like, literally anything, I’m always listening. I’m always asking questions and making comments to show my engagement, because I know how important it is to some people and how nice it is to be heard. But whenever I start talking about anything, no one shows that same engagement. Maybe they do for a little bit, but they always stop very quickly. It makes me angry. I do so much for people and it’s never given back. Whenever any of my friends are sad about something or emotionally unstable I don’t leave them until I know for sure that they are okay. But whenever IM the one who’s unstable and needs help, my help is never returned. I feel like I’m just here to help people and to save them. I feel like my mind and soul has been eaten away and they’re all taking more than what I’m able to give them. I’m struggling so much to keep myself going so I can help others up. I have so many problems going on and no one wants to hear about them or help me at all. And if they did offer help, I probably wouldn’t accept. They’ve all conditioned me to believe that if I’m ever to talk about my problems, then I’m burdening them. I feel like I’m just using them for support, even though I almost never talk about myself. I feel so angry and frustrated about all of this. All of my bottled up problems have been reduced to anger. Anger that’s so intense, I have thoughts of hurting others. My brain comes up with such vivid things to show me, and it’s all just me hurting people. I hate it, because I know I don’t want to hurt people. But it makes me wonder if it would make me feel any better. I always tried to be a safe person for people to come to, but how am I supposed to stay that way when I get so angry at people? I want to be treated like a human. I want to feel real, but I don’t know how. This is all I know and I don’t know how to escape it all. Maybe this is all I’m meant to be, I don’t know. I don’t think anyone cares though. I’m never listened to. Whenever I try to explain my reasonings behind anything, I’m always shut down before I can get anything out. No one wants to hear me unless it’s words of comfort or engagement towards them. It’s gross but I let it happen because if I fought it then everyone would leave. If I stick up for myself then people will see it as aggression and hatred, and it will probably be that way soon if nothing changes. I want people to listen to me so badly. But maybe it would be weird at this point. Maybe it wouldn’t feel like positive change, maybe if I told them all about it then they’d just feel obliged to it. I’m so lost and I’m too far gone. I’m losing my mind, soul, and everything I’ve got from all of this and I don’t know if it’s possible for me to go back. There’s nothing that I or anyone can do anymore. I don’t feel alive, I don’t feel human. -⭐️