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KikiKiss

682d

I'm using this as a chance to vent but 7 years back I was raped by an ex multiple times and I have major PTSD from it, and just within the past two years have started to really make a come back and reclaim my life and stopped having the mindset that I deserved it and my life would be horrible forever. On Friday the 13th of May me and my family were involved in an airboat accident and I was thrown into the water in the middle of the everglades with alligators close by and I went under because I cannot swim, it was a near death experience, I don't know how I'm still alive or why, but this incident has set my mental health back to day one, this trauma was worse than my rape and that's saying a lot. thank you to whoever reads this and listens. I'm trying to figure out where to go from here, if I should connect with others with similar experiences I just feel like I'm destined to never have a good life to always be almost killed and traumatized until one day it does kill me.

Top reply
    • KikiKiss

      680d

      @bunnimin it's chill, you say what you need to say and that's important, I'm exactly the same way!

    • Elay

      681d

      Hi, I also have PTSD from sexual abuse/rape. If you ever need someone to talk to who gets it feel free to message me šŸ¤—

    • bunnimin

      681d

      I agree with you

    • bunnimin

      681d

      I know . Yesterday I was manic . That's why I was writing so much . Sorry . I'm down today . . I get that with my meds they minimize they symptoms but doesn't take it away .

      • KikiKiss

        680d

        @bunnimin it's chill, you say what you need to say and that's important, I'm exactly the same way!

    • KikiKiss

      682d

      Not that I want anyone to go through trauma or this horrible shit, but I don't feel so isolated, I know everyone has there own Hell to go through, where all just trying to float along to find some sort of peace and happiness without having to be sucked dry and give everything up in return for a few moments peace. I hope we can all find it some day, that the world isn't always some scary, traumatizing place that feels like a boggy man out to get us everyday

    • bunnimin

      682d

      Not all time gets over things what I meant is that in time if we have the right tools and all that we better cope with today's world

    • bunnimin

      682d

      When I was 19 I was raped by my dad (forgave and still talk to today but no longer gets near him) (I was born with a very forgiving heart) and when he did I didn't resist cause I didn't want him forcing himself on me I just laid there and took it . I died alittle inside that day . I felt like that's all I was good for to a man . Cause that's how he treated my mom . But that was years ago my mom made him move out cause I told her then she cried to me wanting him back . That disturbed me even worse ! . Now she goes over there every so often and stays with him. Then I "dated" someone when I was 21 . I was making so much bad decisions and psychosis was threw the roof. I let him in my place . I wanted to cuddle . Then he forced himself on me without my consent. He had a knife . Afterwards he thought nothing of it like I enjoyed it . I took him home in my car didn't say a word . I let him out . And when I got home I was so paranoid he be outside I would barely leave my place and then my fear came true he came banging on my door . Thank goodness it was locked . For 2 hours he stood outside my place . I should have called the cops but I was afraid of saying he raped me cause when I was 14 my brother did some stuff to me and he felt bad told his therapist . They put him jail . He had mental problems and I had my own but my thinking was faster . I got blamed 14 year old getting blamed . Idk on that one but we forgave each other and we still talk and still are brother and sister cause time gets over things . We get to live another day to make a better thought to things and be careful have our boundaries . Look out for signs . Read red flags . Make a note of body language . I wish that guy a complete stranger online I begged him to let me stay at his house so my dad wouldn't do things to me cause I read the body language . Shortly after that I went into a depression and was going to hang myself in my closet . But I couldn't leave me dog . He is all I have to cling onto . . You need to find something to cling onto . That little bit of hope is all you need to make it threw another day . ā¤ļø

    • LeighB

      682d

      My two previous "cohabitants" results and drugged and lied to me. I thought I was in a good relationship after a good year of healing, alone. Now I'm in my home, berated, belittled, and emotionally destroyed after an accident that I can't get over.

    • bunnimin

      682d

      If hell is what it is . I would say nothing can compare to it haha . ... This life on the earth is very temporary . I have psychosis really bad so I won't go into how my mind works . But I know one thing for sure time heals and time keeps ticking . Hell is just a jail . Heaven is the bond . How do we get the bond ? By believing in something much bigger to concur the jail . . Believe in yourself don't be a closed book . Just like on here share to other safe places that will help you and others . :)

    • KikiKiss

      682d

      thank you so much for the kind words I feel like I've been through Hell and back but I'm grateful to have my life

      • safe

        682d

        @KikiKiss I can relate to those feelings, but didn't have exactly same trauma. I have been through things that could have killed me though.

    • bunnimin

      682d

      No will compare such 2 or more horrific events that is what makes you unique . Yes that may sound out of place but you are unique you seem strong enough to share your story then you strong enough for a brighter future. I'm not saying things be perfect cause Everytime my mind has a flash back of the events that happen I get tourette's but I've been threw so much that my brain can no longer hold to much on a thought . Probably from all the meds I take . Maybe that's what you need . More memories or things to do . Don't be mindless during hobbies chores hanging out , going someone etc. Use that brain and put more stuff in it . Good stuff ! . What ever makes you feel good or relaxed or something enjoyable . You can do this . I promise

      • bunnimin

        682d

        @bunnimin Going somewhere ***

      • bunnimin

        682d

        @bunnimin No one*

ā˜ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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