Personality Changes After Psychotic Episode

Hi everybody! I just wanted to share something I’ve realized recently to see if anyone has any input on what may be happening. During my manic/depressive episode with psychotic features last winter, I had three voices in my head that were like my “friends” when I didn’t have anybody. There was a man who would be hyper critical, a little girl who was always sad and crying, and a big sister role model who was very stoic. To be clear, these were voices I didn’t typically hear out loud. My mind at the time was like a room where all three of these presences would congregate and speak to each other and me. The “big sister” would be in the corner against a wall and would roll her eyes whenever I was impacted by something and was very emotional. She would also kind of comfort me in an awkward way when things were really bad. This would be like her patting my back and not really knowing what to say but I felt her sympathy. She always made me get back up because I couldn’t end my life. I have bills and debt I don’t want to leave my family with so she would keep me going. I was living alone at the time in a basement apartment located in the city so I was in a very dark space emotionally and physically. By the time I left to move back in with my parents, I was very different. Instead of being emotional and dramatic, I did everything dutifully. I haven’t gotten into a fight with my parents (we never had a good relationship and used to argue all the time). I’ve been with my partner for 2 years now which is the longest relationship I’ve had and I’ve been the image of a “perfect” girlfriend. I don’t get mad at him for not texting me back, I don’t care if he ever talks to another girl, I watch him play video games or sports videos/podcasts that I don’t care for, etc. Basically the person I’ve always wanted to be. The issue is that I’ve been having issues with making friends but this is VERY new. I’ve always been able to make connections with people even up until I had my episodes but I can’t seem to talk. I’m not as sensitive as I used to be. I can’t write like I used to. I found an old journal I had 4 years ago and I wrote some really good poetry/spoken word but I haven’t been able to tap into that lately. I did write while in my episodes but not very much. The point is, I don’t feel like myself. I’m a numb shell of who I used to be. I don’t love as hard or feel as much. I’m not as sensitive. I’m just not myself. And I keep using that phrase to describe myself. “I used to be…”. My mom just started chemo for a breast cancer recurrence while my dad has been dealing with a slew of injuries that’s he’s been working through. He’s been at home because of medical leave for about a year now and I hear him crying out in pain every. night. He has a high pain tolerance. I’ve been thinking about how badly I want someone to take over my head because I just can’t handle all of this fear and hearing my family in pain. This is a nonstop loop. “I want someone to take over to deal with this pain” “I understand why people develop DID” But then I thought about how bad it’d be if I forgot I switched with someone else and rediscovered myself. Which opened my eyes to the possibility that as a defensive mechanism I could have allowed that big sister personality to take over last year. I don’t know what this is. It’s been affected my social life and I’ve noticed that I’m not myself even around my old best friends. It’s annoying now. Does anyone have more information on this? I’m afraid.