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How do I navigate a new relationship after a traumatic event? I've been talking to a guy for about a month, and we really like each other. Honestly, things are going so well and it feels really healthy. However, about a week ago, I was SA'd by a different guy. The guy I like has been really supportive, but now I feel so broken. I told him it's not fair that we've only known each other a month and that he cares about me so much and I'm unable to reciprocate right now; it's not fair that I'm already sort of broken. He keeps telling me that he doesn't mind taking care of me right now, that he knows I would do the same in a heartbeat if the situation was reversed, that he knows I would show affection if I had the energy, and that that's all he needs because he wants me to focus on getting better and not on what's "fair" to him because he's around because he wants to be because he cares about me. I just feel so bad because we're not even officially bf/gf yet, this relationship is still so new, and he's already seeing the worst side of me. The fact he still loves me is incredible and I'm grateful, so how do I get over the feeling I'm too broken to be loved? How do I continue to move forward with this relationship, or at least stop being afraid to be loved and show love? Most advice I see for navigating relationships after being SA'd is either when the victim has had a few years to heal or when the victim has already been in a long term relationship. Idk how to navigate it when I'm already in a fresh relationship.
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Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD)
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Well first it's a good idea to work on mindfulness, remind yourself that you're worthy of love, even if you feel broken no one is too broken to be loved. Remind yourself you're safe now and deserve the support you are recieving. You may also consider brainstorming some small and easily manageable things to do for your potential partner that makes you feel more like you're contributing, it doesn't have to be huge but intentionally doing something small for him might help you feel better about your place in the relationship, hes right you should be focusing on yourself and if he doesn't mind supporting you through it that's great! It's his decision to make and it's really good you have someone like that who you can communicate with even if things are new. On top of that it may be beneficial for you to do things that help you feel more in control of yourself and help you regain feelings of bodily autonomy, a common choice is a new hairstyle but many get a new wardrobe, piercings, tattoos they've always wanted, start working out, and/or experiment with makeup/body paints. And of course if possible consider talking to a therapist if you can so you have an extra support system.
☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision
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One of the replies suggests that communication is key in such situations. If your partner loves you and wants to build a life with you, they will be receptive and understanding. Talking about your fears and doubts can actually help alleviate them. It's also important to respect your boundaries and ensure your partner does too. Healing takes time and it's okay to take things slow. Another reply emphasizes the importance of self-care and trauma therapy. Unpacking the trauma can help you understand and get past those fears.
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