Struggling with Mother's Day Expectations

Sounds like you're dealing with someone with BPD/toxic personality. It's a very difficult illness to handle and normally cutting ties with the person is the best solution. I know it sounds extreme but I've looked extensively into this, went through a divorce, etc and watched many many videos on this topic. I may not be an expert but there isn't much you can do. You also rely on her to react positively too much. Just do what you can and leave it at that. If they are unhappy and unappreciative of your actions, you just show no reaction. They'll get bored of your real quick.