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BrokenPotato

247d

I have spending habits that my mum make me feel bad for. Buying things makes me happy and gives me a temporary boost or serotonin, it’s one of the only things that gets me through everyday life. I am always really depressed recently and have suicidal thoughts, buying something small like a teddy bear gets me through my day. It’s not like I spend a lot of money on things, just a couple cheap things a week/every 2 weeks and going out to eat once a week/2 weeks. My mum saw I bought something new today and tried to make me feel guilty about it yet again. It really stresses me out as it is, and I told her she’s stressing me out more but she said she won’t stop stressing me out about it until I stop spending. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t cope. The way she sees it is I don’t work because of my problems and earn PIP, but I’m still saving the money and spending a little here and there. I just can’t cope with her stressing me out more all the time. I want to move out but can’t because of money and I can’t work. She also doesn’t know when to stop talking and doesn’t take the hint when I don’t speak back and go silent. She forces me to speak. She doesn’t understand

Top reply
    • shamelissly

      242d

      @BrokenPotato if you struggle with setting the boundary in the moment, you can still set it at another time! outside of conflict, when you're feeling more calm and have time to put your thoughts together. you'll be able to get your point across to her more clearly too.

    • Alyss

      247d

      I understand being conflict averse and having a freeze/fawn response to anxiety. However, I think this might be one of those times when a firm boundary is needed. Tell her that you will not discuss finances with her. If she continues, leave the room. If she follows you (like my mom used to do while yelling at me), put on headphones and blare music or leave the house. Do not engage with it if it makes your stress worse. If you feel safe enough to do so, you can explain to her that you know what you are doing and that if you make a mistake, you will live with the consequences, but it is not any of her business what you do with your money, even if you are living at home. The only way for you to be independent is to learn from your mistakes. If you feel she would kick you out for talking directly and putting down a boundary, then tell her she is overstimulating you and that you are going to listen to music/play a game/go for a walk before it causes you a meltdown. Do this every time she talks about it. I hope things work out better for you.

      • BrokenPotato

        247d

        @Alyss thank you so much for your help, I will try to walk away next time it happens or play music, it’s like I forget what to say in conflicting situations and then feel angry afterwards thinking I should’ve said this. Thank you

        • shamelissly

          242d

          @BrokenPotato if you struggle with setting the boundary in the moment, you can still set it at another time! outside of conflict, when you're feeling more calm and have time to put your thoughts together. you'll be able to get your point across to her more clearly too.

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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