Struggling with Compulsive Overspending and Family Relationships

Try the other way around. First, set up a checking account with your Mom that only has her nane on it. Put your name on as the beneficiary. Then, put everything on auto-payments that you can. from that checking account. Then have your Mom make out checks to you as needed. If you dont NEED any that week, then have her still give you a preset amount so you save some and get some splurging. Only use cash for your splurging. If you don't have it, you cant spend it. ... old school... she'll understand. Us old farts only used loans for our houses. Everything else, we earned the money before we could spend it.

Hey all, I just wanna say THANK YOU SO MUCH for being SO kind to me about this issue! I reached out to my BPD group on Facebook with the same post and they were so cruel about it saying my mom enables me and that I need to stop right now. You all handled this so well and I feel so supported here. That's why I love reaching out to yall for support. ❤️❤️❤️

A real issue for me too…. I have trouble breaking even, but it helps me to “budget out” impulsive spending so to say…. Like $50 on Sat, $50 on Sunday, $25 on weekdays… that way I still let myself have impulsive purchases but it’s not several hundred per wknd! Imperfect but it helps. Never heard of the debtors anon… I’ll be looking into that

Does paying for things in cash help?Some people suggest paying for everything in cash to help.

for me, I can write out all the budgets, use (or pay for lol) all the budgeting apps or budget notebooks... Try to get my husband to manage our finances (but then I get 🤬 when he doesn't let me splurge- so that's not a fix). It's def an addictive behavior for me. I'm in recovery from a lot of things (I used to and maybe should still do OA lol) so binge eating and spending myself into oblivion are my remaining go-to's. Not great, but better than what I used to do 🍺🍻👃😵‍💫 I do appreciate all the people's advice here- but for some people it's more than a spending problem. Oh, also, when I was in the mil they made me have financial counseling 2x, we had the mandatory personal finance class when I got on base to in-process as an airman, I took other financial classes (personal and for school, because I was studying to become a financial advisor) and it's like.... I know the things. I'm aware of the principals. I know I should know how much is in my accounts and not spend over x amount and budget and yada. But 😮‍💨 it's like the people who told me to just have a drink or two when I was in active addiction/ alcoholism. It's often the goal, right? For the sake of being lighthearted, here's an SNL clip they showed in one personal finance class. I love it, but I don't live it lol https://youtu.be/R3ZJKN_5M44

i had a very similar issue when i was deep in my eating disorder. it was alarming how many times i would go shopping in a week, but i needed something to help me feel happy. i also intentionally spent all my money on clothes so i couldn’t buy any food. it got better as i improved in my ed and realized shopping was my way of coping. if you can identify what feelings trigger overspending, it could help you figure out what you need to work on to help with the shopping addiction!

Maybe you and your mom can set up a budget?

I have a note in my phone where I set out money for all my expenses for the next few months and I have it so i can check off when I pay bills(building a reward system) . It makes paying bills more enjoyable and I end up allocating more money to bills than other things.

Debtors anonymous has meetings and a 12 step program for compulsive spenders, debtors, etc. I should be working the program but I don't. They have a lot of remote meetings. Unlike like a lot of people wrongly believe, 12 step programs are not religious and don't even need to be spiritual. Agnostics and atheists can also successfully work 12 step programs. Hope this helps!!