See Alike in...

Alike App

Browser

poodlelover28

524d

How do you deal with compulsive overspending? It's really put a strain on mine and my mom's relationship. I have to ask for money nearly every check because I run out due to my spending issues. I understand this is a problem but she seems to have no empathy for me. She just sees it as me being reckless. I struggle with depression, anxiety, bipolar, bpd, adhd, two autoimmune diseases, an eating disorder, non epileptic seizures, chronic pain, chronic fatigue syndrome, and a cognitive disability so life just feels unfair to me and I feel like she often doesn't take all of my issues into consideration. Like I'm trying really hard! I've been doing better about my spending habits but they're still not where I want them to be. I used to spend my whole paycheck in one weekend but now I spend it in one week which I know is still not good but I'm proud of myself for the improvement. I just feel like I will never be good enough for my mom. Especially because my brother has his life together and manages his own finances just fine and then there's me...

Top reply
    • 55isMe

      197d

      Try the other way around. First, set up a checking account with your Mom that only has her nane on it. Put your name on as the beneficiary. Then, put everything on auto-payments that you can. from that checking account. Then have your Mom make out checks to you as needed. If you dont NEED any that week, then have her still give you a preset amount so you save some and get some splurging. Only use cash for your splurging. If you don't have it, you cant spend it. ... old school... she'll understand. Us old farts only used loans for our houses. Everything else, we earned the money before we could spend it.

    • 55isMe

      197d

      Try the other way around. First, set up a checking account with your Mom that only has her nane on it. Put your name on as the beneficiary. Then, put everything on auto-payments that you can. from that checking account. Then have your Mom make out checks to you as needed. If you dont NEED any that week, then have her still give you a preset amount so you save some and get some splurging. Only use cash for your splurging. If you don't have it, you cant spend it. ... old school... she'll understand. Us old farts only used loans for our houses. Everything else, we earned the money before we could spend it.

    • poodlelover28

      523d

      Hey all, I just wanna say THANK YOU SO MUCH for being SO kind to me about this issue! I reached out to my BPD group on Facebook with the same post and they were so cruel about it saying my mom enables me and that I need to stop right now. You all handled this so well and I feel so supported here. That's why I love reaching out to yall for support. ❤️❤️❤️

    • ibetonlosingfrogs

      523d

      A real issue for me too…. I have trouble breaking even, but it helps me to “budget out” impulsive spending so to say…. Like $50 on Sat, $50 on Sunday, $25 on weekdays… that way I still let myself have impulsive purchases but it’s not several hundred per wknd! Imperfect but it helps. Never heard of the debtors anon… I’ll be looking into that

      • poodlelover28

        523d

        @ibetonlosingfrogs I try but my food is so expensive. I have celiac disease and have to eat gluten free and the prices are just outrageous. It's so hard for me to not spend almost $40 a day eating 3x a day even if I shop only at the grocery store or Walmart.

    • darkstarrynight

      523d

      Does paying for things in cash help?Some people suggest paying for everything in cash to help.

      • poodlelover28

        523d

        @darkstarrynight unfortunately I've tried this and it's almost worse tbh

    • OurLadyOfChaos

      524d

      for me, I can write out all the budgets, use (or pay for lol) all the budgeting apps or budget notebooks... Try to get my husband to manage our finances (but then I get 🤬 when he doesn't let me splurge- so that's not a fix). It's def an addictive behavior for me. I'm in recovery from a lot of things (I used to and maybe should still do OA lol) so binge eating and spending myself into oblivion are my remaining go-to's. Not great, but better than what I used to do 🍺🍻👃😵‍💫 I do appreciate all the people's advice here- but for some people it's more than a spending problem. Oh, also, when I was in the mil they made me have financial counseling 2x, we had the mandatory personal finance class when I got on base to in-process as an airman, I took other financial classes (personal and for school, because I was studying to become a financial advisor) and it's like.... I know the things. I'm aware of the principals. I know I should know how much is in my accounts and not spend over x amount and budget and yada. But 😮‍💨 it's like the people who told me to just have a drink or two when I was in active addiction/ alcoholism. It's often the goal, right? For the sake of being lighthearted, here's an SNL clip they showed in one personal finance class. I love it, but I don't live it lol https://youtu.be/R3ZJKN_5M44

      • poodlelover28

        523d

        @OurLadyOfChaos thank you so much for sharing! I'm in OA too! Well, more or less so but I've quit binge eating. I'm still struggling because I keep gaining weight though.

    • mermaidap

      524d

      i had a very similar issue when i was deep in my eating disorder. it was alarming how many times i would go shopping in a week, but i needed something to help me feel happy. i also intentionally spent all my money on clothes so i couldn’t buy any food. it got better as i improved in my ed and realized shopping was my way of coping. if you can identify what feelings trigger overspending, it could help you figure out what you need to work on to help with the shopping addiction!

      • poodlelover28

        523d

        @mermaidap thank you I've noticed bad days or just freshly getting my check really triggers my overspending. I can't help the check part though unfortunately. That's just gonna happen if I'm working. :(

        • mermaidap

          520d

          @poodlelover28 that happens to me as well, like “oh i just got all this money now i can go buy that one thing” which turns into a million things. i haven’t found a great solution for it yet but if i do i’ll share it with you💞

    • Gwen71

      524d

      Maybe you and your mom can set up a budget?

      • poodlelover28

        523d

        @Gwen71 I've tried to do that and bless her heart because she's even given me a breakdown of what my daily budget is but I still always exceed it some days especially with the rise in my food prices. I have celiac disease so I have to eat gluten free and the food is so awfully expensive. I spent $40 on 6 items the other day and that only covered my lunch, dinner, and a snack for one day.

    • benjaminben

      524d

      I have a note in my phone where I set out money for all my expenses for the next few months and I have it so i can check off when I pay bills(building a reward system) . It makes paying bills more enjoyable and I end up allocating more money to bills than other things.

    • OurLadyOfChaos

      524d

      Debtors anonymous has meetings and a 12 step program for compulsive spenders, debtors, etc. I should be working the program but I don't. They have a lot of remote meetings. Unlike like a lot of people wrongly believe, 12 step programs are not religious and don't even need to be spiritual. Agnostics and atheists can also successfully work 12 step programs. Hope this helps!!

      • poodlelover28

        524d

        @OurLadyOfChaos thank you!

      • poodlelover28

        524d

        @OurLadyOfChaos I didn't know this was a program. I'm in overeaters anonymous but I didn't know DA existed!

      • matchedsocks

        524d

        @OurLadyOfChaos I struggle with the same issue in terms of over spending, and struggling with bipolar, anxiety and depression. I didn’t know debtors anonymous was a thing so I am definitely going to look for this! Thanks!

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

Thank you! Your submission has been received!
Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form.

Want to chat or share? Download the Alike app now and get complete access to Alike.health's unique features.

Find people who are
experiencing a similar
medical reality

100% Free
100%
Free

Download Alike for the full experience

JOIN

View All

Bupropion

night sweats

paranoid

Valium

sertraline

palpitations

Anxiety (Including GAD)

Depression

palpitations

Depression

Valium

Bupropion