Living with Complex PTSD: My Experience

It almost cost me my children when it was out of control. I hate it to be honest.

I think a lot of things about it suck especially relating to my relationships but if there's anything that I hate the most it's the nightmares. Nightmares of being insulted by him, yelled at, hit, violated, neglected, forgotten about, everything under the sun. Something about CPTSD nightmares feel so terrifyingly real. Every touch in the dream is a static shock that makes me jolt in my bed and every word is screamed and reverberates in my skull. And then when I wake up I've completely lost my night and can't get to sleep again. Out of anything I experience with CPTSD, I hate the nightmares the most. It feels like the one thing preventing me from moving on. That even if I try to manage everything else, a nightmare will still pop up randomly and ruin everything.

I am 32 and I think the worst of it for me is that every trigger seems to = original trauma trigger, even if completely unrelated. ex: I'm triggered because someone cut me off in traffic but then the whole ride home I have flashbacks and somatic symptoms from earlier traumas. It's like any stress unlocks the whole dam and it just all comes spilling out.

same. I am 41 and was "diagnosed" this year by my psychologist/therapist. I have so far uncovered two instances of abuse that my mom has been able to confirm. It is wild what the brain can do. I feel as though I have only been experiencing life at 40% or so this entire time

It affects a lot of my life and its something that is tabboo to speak about. With treatment it's gotten a lot better but it's something I know I'll be managing for a long time, possible the rest of my life. For me, it continues to show in different ways and I develop new triggers as time goes on. I'm working hard to heal as much as I can. Sometimes it's better, barely affecting me at all, and sometimes it's debilitating. I have the utmost respect for anyone with CPTSD as its a really hard thing to deal with when you have other priorities like friends, family, work, education, etc. 💕

It used to completely consume my every thought. I was hypervigilant, combative, avoidant- depending on the situation. I'd have flashbacks often and panic attacks daily. It's been years since my diagnosis and all of my symptoms are well managed now. But, there are still times (like anniversaries of trauma) where it's very hard not to let the memories surface again. I'll always have these scars, but they no longer control me.