Fear of Dementia and Thoughts of Ending It All

No, it does Not seem stupid. I'm also obese, have ADHD, depression, fibro, among other things. There's also a history of lung cancer in my family which terrifies me, so I get it. Have you tried journaling about how you feel?

I fully get that, I currently feel like I'm being smothered by dementia as my grandpa and elderly dog both have it fairly severely and are struggling with it at the moment and I have a decently long family history of both dementia and alzheimers as well as a bunch of comorbid conditions. I also get wanting to have control over your life before death and your death itself, however I never understood why the typical impulse (not only yours but mine and other's as well) is to end it all decades before the potential problem even starts and I think questioning that impulse really helped improve the situation I kept finding myself in over this. It is possible that you can still have that control even if you get dementia you just have to start planning for it now before you get it, whether that be looking into in at home care options, care facilities, and/or medically assisted suicide options in your area or areas you could move to. You can also look into things that help prevent or postpone symptoms like brain games, hobbies like crafts, and foods like orange and red foods or fish.

Yeah I have alot of consuming aswell. As like I have adhd and etc.. like schizophrenia when I hear voices not just 1 I have 15. I hear them 24/7 it's hard but yeah. I'm here if you want to chat