Feeling Worthless and Useless: Dealing with Parentification and Emotional Trauma

My boozing and drug addicted parents growing up constantly fought in front of me and my siblings. I was the oldest of 7 kids, I protected and shielded them when the fights got really bad.I did most of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing. My parents...barely kept a roof over our heads or bills paid. So when all was said and done I was the adult out of everyone. I believe that's called parentification. I never had any friends because I didn't want anyone to know about my far from perfect home life. I was ashamed and embarrassed. I only felt happy when my siblings were cared for and were smiling. Basically when I felt needed. Now in a relationship with my girlfriend... someone hurt her today. Made her cry and they didn't care. I couldn't cheer her up. I felt helpless... I felt useless. We both miss my husband and boyfriend. He knew how to make smile and feel better. I can't do what he could do. If you all have been following my posts you know what I am talking about. I don't know how to do anything right anymore. I feel like a failure, worthless, and useless. I'm nothing if I am not needed...