goatintraining

187d

I was sexually assaulted four years ago. Ever since then I have had issues with fissures and fistulas. I have had three operations to fix them and rule out chrons disease since I have still been having issues... Next month I'm having a more invasive operation to hopefully fix the issue. The only thing is, my doctor has told me if I get this procedure and decide to have children I can only have a c-section since I may have complications if I deliver naturally.. I now have the feeling he has control over my body again and always will. Nobody understands how I'm feeling and keeps on saying it could be worse. I just feel so alone in this.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

Chronic Generalized pain

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  • tinitamaria

    187d

    Stay strong

  • wise

    187d

    I hate when people say it could be worse. Yea, obviously, but it could be a lot better. It makes sense that you feel like he has control, but I want you to know he has just as much control over you as the kid who nearly took my eye out with scissors in 2004 has control over me. You were injured, and now you're taking care of it. It's a part of you, not all of you. Sure, you'll have to have a C-section and you'll have the scars to prove it, but lots of people have been in the same position of being unable to deliver vaginally (which is NOT the only natural way. giving birth with medical intervention is still giving birth). Getting the operation done to minimize the pain he caused you is YOUR choice. Think of it this way: you are making a conscious choice to eliminate as much of his physical impact on you as possible. Taking action to accomplish that is not him controlling your body, it's you taking control back. He doesn't get to cause you physical pain on top of the emotional turmoil he left behind. You deserve to be as pain-free as possible, and knowing ahead of time that you'll have to deliver via C-section is incredibly valuable information that will give you and your future baby the best chance of a healthy, albeit high risk, pregnancy

    • goatintraining

      187d

      Thank you so much ❤️ everyone I have talked to about it in my life just brushes it off and doesn't try to understand or make me feel better. Its always well at least you can have one, some people get told they can't. It means so much finally having someone say something up lifting and still sympathetic. Thank you again!

      • wise

        187d

        of course ❤️ I'm sorry you haven't gotten the sympathy or support you need from the people in your life. I get how hard it is to shirk the feeling of being controlled by someone else, even long after they're not part of your life anymore. I've had years and years of practice and I still struggle with feeling in control, to the point where I had an eating disorder in middle and high school that I still have relapses of from time to time. If you haven't yet, I highly recommend finding a therapist who specializes in PTSD and related comorbidities. I'd hate for you to end up down the same road I was on if you haven't already been there. You are always allowed to DM me if you need help getting help, or if you just need to talk ❤️ I hope you find peace

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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