Struggling with the aftermath of sexual assault

I hate when people say it could be worse. Yea, obviously, but it could be a lot better. It makes sense that you feel like he has control, but I want you to know he has just as much control over you as the kid who nearly took my eye out with scissors in 2004 has control over me. You were injured, and now you're taking care of it. It's a part of you, not all of you. Sure, you'll have to have a C-section and you'll have the scars to prove it, but lots of people have been in the same position of being unable to deliver vaginally (which is NOT the only natural way. giving birth with medical intervention is still giving birth). Getting the operation done to minimize the pain he caused you is YOUR choice. Think of it this way: you are making a conscious choice to eliminate as much of his physical impact on you as possible. Taking action to accomplish that is not him controlling your body, it's you taking control back. He doesn't get to cause you physical pain on top of the emotional turmoil he left behind. You deserve to be as pain-free as possible, and knowing ahead of time that you'll have to deliver via C-section is incredibly valuable information that will give you and your future baby the best chance of a healthy, albeit high risk, pregnancy