Feeling Disconnected and Scared for the Future

as i sit and write this im not even sure if i will remember this later, but i feel like we need to talk to someone. we as a whole system have been distant from others all day and everything has been hazy like im watching the world through eyes that arent mine. only just recently aeverie came out with me, but ive been mostly alone all day. the host sawyer had a breakdown around 9 hours qgo and hasnt really been back yet, and everything has just been so quiet yet so loud. we are going out of state tomorrow for something and im scared that sawyer wont come back. it might just be me overthinking but it scares me to travel in case we get lost or something. we already had several members go dormant this year and i dont think we could take another one. and i think we just need someone to talk to. we bottle up so much and avoid our feelings, so we dont really get to feel them much. im not even sure if posting this is a good idea but i cant just watch everyone else suffer in silence like this.