Struggling with Memories and Coping Mechanisms

hello, i'm cody. i'm the host of our system i'm scared that i've started getting too close to finding/unlocking memories that i'm not supposed to. i think this because i've been thinking about my childhood more and remembering more about it, plus Eirwen, our main gatekeeper that i know of, is trying to get me to vent and interact with other systems less, essentially attempting to subtly make me more reserved so i stop getting so close to these memories. at least, i think i don't know how to feel about this. generally, it makes me sad on one hand, this is a coping mechanism, and i don't really want to know what happened to us. i don't want to uncover those memories. on the other hand, the only way to move forward and heal from our trauma is to know about it and to work through it. i'm not really looking for advice, as right now moving forward isn't even an option as we don't have a therapist or a stable support group to help us through that journey, so for now i'll try to stay away from those memories i'm looking for comfort, i suppose