Dealing with a difficult partner's health problems

I applaud you for controlling rage and reaching out, next time you can call or text a hotline meant to aid you in calming down and getting down to reasonable levels of anger. There are tools for your toolbox of life out there to cope with anger, like for instance if you are a physical angered person you could invest in a punching bag or a gym membership or just go for a walk or workout (cardio workout video, yoga, yogalates, pilates, ti bo, Richard Simmons 80's workout lol, the wiggles so kiddos can also get in on the action that was my go to when my kids were little). Find an outlet for your anger...some do art expressing their emotions through their hands for the world to see...there are activities you can do also to help work through a situation causing strong emotions. I like the one where you paint a flower pot (clay ones that break if dropped), you paint it perfect you can write ideal feelings, ideal situations, all your dreams on it. Then you of course break it. Now you have pieces of a puzzle to put the pot back together with proper glue for such an activity maybe caulking for weather. Anyways you write on the inside tasks that can be taken to reach the outside goals. Piece by piece put it back together. Of course write down the plan of actions. Now plant something set an alarm for everyday to remind you to water it, if you are unable to do it when it goes off snooze it until you do it. And look once it grows you can see the beauty in all that holds your life together (the glue being foundation in belief that someday your dreams will come true even if it's a compromised version, and glue represents the on going control you have to keep it together. You can talk yourself out of the very thing you have talked yourself into. Be kind to yourself, treat yourself like you would your best friend and talk to yourself that way too. Work on you and see if your significant other wants to join the journey of self gratitude and self acceptance and self love, and find what you need and they find what they need and then meet in the middle with compromises available. In order for any relationship to work, it has to have those things in place (reminder: honesty, trust, communication, compromises, and a lot of work). I hope this helps.

Why not ask him? You know him better than anyone here but he knows his self better than anyone. Try a journal with writing prompts you both do it get to know each other better and get to know yourselves better as well. Also suggest couples counseling as they can give you tools the help him and him to help you. So it's a give and take relationship. Key things in a relationship are trust, honesty, communication, humor in most things (joking about hurtful things though is not ok), and support that's a two way street (support each other evenly). What does your relationship look like if it was how you feel it should be? What steps can be taken on your part to reach closer to that end goal? Can you find a happy medium when things you need done by your significant other? Like maybe a stool in the kitchen so they can do the dishes...look up life hacks find easier ways of doing things so said individual can contribute like they want but their body won't let them or their mind which anticipates pain when asked to do activities known to cause pain. It's called a learned pain path. And it's a powerful convincing loud pain sometimes just the thought of doing an activity that brings pain can trigger pain signals to misfire a typical ache and pain taking it to unbearable levels of pain. Me touching it, for me helps bring the pain back in check, of course if touching it brings worse pain or I can't even touch it I obviously am in logical pain and need checked out by a doctor..also assessing if I had done something to trigger the pain also helps put my pain levels in check. There are lots of free resources on the web for keeping pain journals, look through printable free ones you can take what you and your significant other feel excited to share to help doctors piece together a better organized plan of action to help make living with pain, worth living again. Anyway, I hope this insight helps you understand that when pain or mental health gets in the way of our daily living it is like climbing an insurmountable mountain Infront of us. Simplist tasks are included. Now, maybe a glimpse into the world of disorders that need order. Routines help, Counseling helps, self reflection helps. And journaling helps. Just have to figure it out happy mediums and I know patience runs thin...but remember it is hard work to get order in a disorder of the behaviours, and thoughts, and mobility even. Find something you both enjoy doing and do it together take a break from the channel that you are on that is upsetting...do you continue to watch a show you don't like or brings heavy feelings to surface? No, we change the channel...so just change the channel or switch gears what is being done and said is not working find some other way to handle things in the moment, take a breather and walk away, announce you need a time out. The rollercoaster of emotion in a disordered brain is not an easy or fun ride. Being at your breaking point after investing 20 years (for me 18 years) you need to ask yourself, are you having your needs met? Is there a cycle that you and them are on? Do you see a pattern? A trigger? How can you react differently? How can you advocate for yourself? What advice would you give your best friend who is in your situation? What compromises have you taken? And what compromises can be put into place to where both parties feel more worth, and more fair? 0-10 anger issues can be scary, and over the top as well as out of control.

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From personal experience, our own mental struggles can generate pain and suffering for those around us. All I can say is—taking care of yourself is likely the best gift you can give him. Be well 🙏

I don't believe so. Community and communication are vital.