Dealing with Loss and Anxiety

some jobs offer free mental health consults. because of your history of abuse, i think those feelings of fearing "abandonment" (including loss) could be related to borderline personality disorder - but you'd need to see a mental health professional to be sure. some therapists also offer sliding scale payments, and there are free options that could tide you over until you're able to afford a therapist (such as betterhelp). i understand not being able to afford therapy - just today i had to turn away a therapist i'd been in contact with because i found out that he did not take my insurance and i can't afford any that don't. that said, i think therapy (or psychiatry) is still probably what you need with the issues you're describing. do you have health insurance at all? many health insurances will cover most or even all of behavioural health visits. assuming you're in the usa.