Struggling with Chronic Illness and Jealousy

I just got hit with the biggest pang of anger/jealousy of the non-chronically ill. It really just hit me that bodies aren’t typically like mine, and I feel like I could be so much more if I had less of these issues. It also hit me how there’s nothing I can even do. Sure there’s “treatments”, but I feel like I’m just walking in the dark all of the time hoping I’ll bump into the right thing to help me. Doctors do nothing, and even if they did, I can’t afford them anymore. I’m just so tired of having to go through every day like this, and having to pretend that I’m not tired of living life like this. Normally I’m the one with the outwardly positive attitude, but I can barely muster up the strength to wake up in the mornings anymore. Every day is just agonizing. I’m not sure how to deal with this anymore.