Fighting Against My Own Body

I've honestly done it all. Dietary changes, exercising, therapy, physical therapy, medications, herbs and supplements, chiropractic, acupuncture, injections, etc etc. I cultivated hobbies. I adopted a dog. I gave up toxic relationships and tried hard to make new friends. Despite it all, I will never not be sick. I didn't struggle with my mental health like this before I became physically disabled. I cope as best as I can but there are just certain things I can't do anymore and likely will never be able to do again. I can no longer drive. I can no longer hold down a job. I have no means of income and had to move back in with my parents in my 30s and be completely financially dependent on them. I've lost almost all of my friendships and all of my romantic relationships to my illness. It is a lot. It is so heavy to have lost so much of my independence and a "normal" life. No matter what there are so things I can't overcome physically and I don't know how mentally to overcome my lack of ability to overcome the physical stuff.

I'm happy for you that you seem to be doing better. Are you willing to share what helped you get to that point?

Yes so so so true. While I manage and I cope because I have no choice, it doesn't make it good or okay or go away. The constant cheerleading and pushing myself up what feels like an impossible mountain with no end that just keeps progressing. I do a lot to try to occupy my mind and my time. I try to live a calm and peaceful life and take care of myself. Use cannabis a lot but only so much cannabis can do also. It is so frustrating and lonely.

I can relate with so much of what you've said, and see that we share about a dozen of the same diagnosis. If you ever need to talk feel free to reach out.

It sucks that even trying to heal from my stress and trauma and the things that contributed to becoming ill that there is no undoing it. My heart wants so much more from life and it breaks a little bit that it seems to be unobtainable. It can be so hard to feel like there is any use in even trying. Over 10 years of illness now and it just feels like a lifetime of nightmares.

love this

Thank you 💕 hope the feelings pass soon for you too

That is true. It is hard to give myself credit when I feel absolutely miserable and I want so much more out of life. I want more than just getting out of bed and it is all so unfair to not have that control.

Thank you. Yes, I have my good days and my bad days. But the bad days have me crawling out of my skin and nothing I try seems to make me feel better. I have been really struggling with my mental health this year. I do all the things, but can't cure my chronic pain or fatigue. They've stolen so much from me and I can't get the world to even acknowledge that. Lack of control of your own body is just crushing.