this is a ventmy mother fucking kills me. she talks to me like I'm stupid, "slut" shames me when I dress cute. gives me constant additude, she has anger issues that she doesn't even try to control and when I go quiet gets angry at me. she complains about everything all the time weather it's what a stranger is doing or what I'm doing. it agrivates me she makes my anxiety worse which worsens my insomnia which worsens my depression! I've notice my most common trigger is being around my ma which makes me feel like a POS person because who says their ma triggers their mental illness? bad children. I'm just tired of her constant judgment and her overly obnoxious behavior, she's erratic. I want her to get help but she doesn't even admit when she makes a mistake never mind go to therapy. I know she tries to be a good ma and I appreciate it and I understand she's not here to be my friend. but I act right in public, I have manors, I try to keep convos light hearted and yet she finds something wrong about me. I'm about done with her and I want my independence. but with inflation I litterly can't do anything but school, work, home. anyways I vented this because I'm feeling anxious and extreanly tored and if I didn't say this somewhere I know I would say something not so nice to her about how she treats me, thank you for reading if you did any tips or advice would be nice.
I've known so many people who are in the same situation as you. I try to use the coping skill radical acceptance with people like that. If I were to separate myself from the situation and just focus on the reality of it, I see that we are all just products of our environment. If she isn't putting in the effort to change, I wouldn't expect her to, so I'd just accept it and move on because it's not personal. Focusing on logic really helps me personally
thank you, I sometimes find it difficult to use logic when she hurts me because ✨emotions✨ but I'll try next time to use logic instead, thank you for the advice
I totally get that. My emotions like to take over for a while before I can get the logic side to kick in, then I'm okay
I'm going through something really similar. My mom is so aggrating and always tells me I don't do enough. She's been off her meds and refuses to go back on them even though she's experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder.
I can't move out because of income and some health problems, so I get where you're coming from
Also, you don't have to feel like a POS just because she triggers your anxiety. My mom is the same for me. She makes me so anxious that I can't even function sometimes.
Also, I've lost my cool with my mother so often by now that I don't even care what I say to her.
Also, sorry that I kinda ranted on your vent post, but just know that you're not alone <33
no its ok you ranted! It's comforting to know I'm not the only one struggling makes me feel less alone <3
I feel like a lot of parents in general have a really hard time admitting they are wrong to their children. Throw some unhealthy traits in the mix and it can be an explosive combination. Are you over 18? If it were me I would want too venous as soon as I can and create some space and boundaries. I have a good Mom, but even a good Mom is going to be really good at triggering all your insecurities or mental health issues. I fought a lot with my Mom. A tactic I had some success with was not to try get into an argument where someone is right and someone is wrong, because like your Mom, my Mom would NEVER admit to being wrong.
So instead I would say something like, "I know you don't believe what you are doing is wrong or is justified or its just normal. But at the end of the day, those actions are making me feel ______, it is bad for mental health. In the efforts to protect my mental health I havr chosen to create this boundary if you start to do or say _______ I am going to walk away because I can't handle it anymore. I hope you will recognize that. I ask you to respect that." I think limiting your engagement can be healthy. I'm 32, I moved in with my Mom two years ago, from 18 to 30 I lived a couple hours away. Everytime I got off the phone with her it would end with me feeling awful! So I drew a boundary and told her we could only talk once a week. This was actually hard for me too, because I like her reassurance which she is greedy to provide. She was confused, she couldn't understand how she could possibly be effecting me in this way because she is perfect as all Moms are towards their children 😂😅😋😉.... but she respected and honored it.
no I'm not over 18, but I'll try to put down boundaries in a safe way. I appreciate your input on my situation :)
*I would want to leave as soon I can (typo).
You're not a bad child for acknowledging that your mother is worsening your health. It's a real and sadly very common issue. Everyone I've met who struggles with a parent in this way also struggles with that form of guilt. But if she is failing the most basic things of being a parent and refusing to improve why put in the effort to succeed as her child? Your struggles are real and valid. Is she letting you see a therapist? Do you have friends you can hang out with when you need time away from her?
she doesn't belive in therapist, I recently let go my "friends" because they well weren't good to me, they used me for their convenience. Recently I've made better friends now and hang out with them when I can, thank you for telling me my feelings are valid, I needed to hear that
My grandma is the same with me and my mom, she triggers the both of us, especially my mom. My grandma never told my mom that she loved her until a few years ago, when my great grandma passed. Honestly, my advice can't help because from what I understand from the message, she's your only guardian, but if you have somewhere to go, leave.
Typing this, I realized that I was in your shoes when it came to my dad, but his anger and actions were more subtle. What I did was pack most of my stuff and left the state to live with my mom. I left him on father's day.
I'm sorry you had to leave, my ma and dad live together and are married, my dad also has anger issues, he throws and has broken things, they are the only people I can live with closest family is across the country but I appreciate your input <3
I'm sorry that your only possible escape is cross country, I hope it gets better for you <3
It wasn't my mom that made my issues worse it was my bfs mother. She drove me bat shit insane and I had to do everything for her. Because she's lazy and just ridiculous. I even saved her life 4 times between last year and this year. It's ridiculous. Wants everything done for.her. dsnt care that I have my own issues to.deal with she matted more. Thank God we got out of there in Dec but not far enough we live right next door. But I have distanced myself so her worthless daughter can step up and help her laziness. Sorry to vent on your post! But you're not alone!
no I really appreciate you venting! It's comforting to know people are going through the same stuff I am
As much as I hate to say this, but I think your mom either needs some kind of mental help, and if it doesn't work, or she refuses to get it, my best advice is see if you can get someone to file you for a foster home. I'm not saying this is the best advice in the world, but considering that your mom hates every single thing you do, I don't know if this is the right definition, but that could lead to domestic violence or abuse. Not saying it will for sure, but it might. So I would say file for a foster home if it gets that bad or even worse.
thank you I'll keep that in mind if it gets worse for now I'll just try to keep keep peace
a foster homes gonna be much worse
hey. I tried.
Go to a church for sanctuary or get emancipated
I was reccomended a book by my therapist. "Toxic Parents" by Dr. Susan Forward. It helped me understand the narcissistic ways of my mother. And to understand "I am not responsible!"
I'll go to my local book store to see if they have that book, I could use a doctors help haha
I ordered mine from Amazon.
I was in a similar position for a long time. Honeslty just not being at home as much as possible was helpful. Even if it was just a walk. I also never talked to my mom unless someone else was there. I also put a new door knob on my door with a lock only I had a key too. Taking care yourself first is important even if you basically never talk to your mom
those are good ideas I'll keep them in mind if things get worse, thank you
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