First of all take a deep breath. I use fidget things like bubble poppers, and putty (Crazy Aaron’s is the best there are so many types and they have scented ones too) you can try games on your IPad there are several and I went on YouTube and searched for calming games and games that can help anxiety

So I am a spiritual mentor- future spiritual counselor. I am a firm believer in spirituality over religion and that spirituality can help chronic illnesses. From my own personal experience, people need medicine. There are some conditions that require meds. I take multiple. However, I find that when I’m active in my spirituality, my meds work better and I have less flare ups, and my medicine dosages get reduced. So to answer the question “if I become a better person will my seizures stop?” My answer is no. But if you start wellness activities that can help your soul (regardless of your belief system such as meditation, yoga, etc.) your body will be more likely to respond to modern healing measures because your soul is being taken care of. And taking care of your soul inherently creates a better you. I’ve been where you are, very recently and I still fall back there. Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you.