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thats.rough.buddy

159d

Me, my female friend, and my male 'friend' all have ADHD, but we have different symptoms. My male friend (who I'm trying to date and who is romantically interested in me as well) doesn't text first most of the time. I asked him why, and he said with his ADHD, people tend to be "out of sight out of mind," and it doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. However, my other friend said if he really cared, he'd set a reminder about it or something like that to remember and he'd text first bc she's never had that issue with someone she loves before bc of her ADHD. However, I myself know I have people I care about that I forget to text, even with reminders set,,, plus I honestly don't mind texting first since he almost always responds quickly and with enthusiasm, making it clear he wants to talk to me. Plus, he always invites me to hangout in-person, whereas I'm bad at remembering to make plans, so I feel like we go good together when it comes to that. So how do I explain to my female friend that him not texting first is part of his ADHD and he's not being a jerk? I've tried explaining it, but she's also neurodivergent and she has a hard time understanding situations she's never been in. I really want her to approve of him as my potential partner though since she's my roommate and one of my closest friends and we'll be living together for the foreseeable future.

    • Finleaf

      158d

      Perhaps it would help to remind her that even with the same diagnosis, we are all different people. There are going to be aspects of having ADHD that she doesn't struggle with that other people do, and vice versa. Ultimately, the most important thing is that YOU approve of this guy and are okay with it. I also forget to interact with loved ones because of the whole "out of sight, out of mind" thing, it's a very real aspect of ADHD. Perhaps mention to her that we should give others the benefit of the doubt that if they say it doesn't mean they don't care, that is the truth 🤗

☝ This content is generated by our users and it is not a substitute for professional medical advice. Please consult with your physician before making any medical decision

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You can explain to your female friend that ADHD symptoms can vary greatly from person to person. Just because she doesn't experience the "out of sight, out of mind" symptom doesn't mean it's not a valid experience for others with ADHD. You can also share that your male friend shows his care and interest in other ways, like responding quickly and enthusiastically to your texts and frequently inviting you to hang out. It might be helpful to remind her that everyone has different ways of showing they care, and this is just one aspect of his way due to his ADHD.

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