Dealing with Codependency and Emotional Abuse

Hi there! I’m so sorry to hear about what you went through - I went through a similar situation myself, so I know how rough codependent relationships can be. Recovery is not the easiest… but it’s definitely not impossible!! It’s been several years since my experience and I still get super anxious about it… wondering if everyone thinks I’m a bad person because of what he tells people about me, etc. But!!! Some things I’ve learned over these years have helped me manage it just a little and maybe they can help you too? I like to write down what I’m thinking immediately after getting the thought just so it’s out of my head. Then I’ll “challenge” the thought by writing out separate categories that consist of things like “how does this make you feel physically”, “why does this scare you”, “how likely is this to happen?”, “what part of this can you control?”, “what parts are actually real and what are you overthinking”, etc. Whatever questions work for you - just ask yourself things that 1) help you analyze and understand your thoughts and 2) shift your focus from worrying about one thing to rationalizing it. For me, breathing exercises don’t really work. They might for you!! But something I’ve found rather helpful is… I think it’s called the alphabet game? Basically you come up with a category… say for instance “musicians”; now you have to go through the alphabet and name a musician for every letter. “a is for… be is for…” and so on. This will shift your focus onto something else and eventually you should become so involved in the activity that you aren’t absorbed with whatever is bothering you (for the time being)!! You can also do this with planning the future? For instance, when I start to get super anxious, I imagine different ways I can redesign my room! And go into the specifics… where would I put this? Should I get rid of this, or add this? It’s just another way for you to distract yourself!! Distraction is key!! I have some other things but I fear this post is already too long, haha! But good luck on your journey and I hope that you can try some of these out and see what works! If you ever need anyone to talk to you my dm’s are open! Take care :)